Hard to Miss followed by the Roses series
by JayneDancing
Summary: River would like some attention, Jayne hasn't got a clue. Prerayne If it all works out ok, but no guarantees. Getting angstier as it goes along. Reviews are loved and cherished. This story has stalled horribly, my apologies.
1. Hard to miss

Title: Hard to miss  
Type: Pre-Rayne fluff,

Rating: R, Mild sexual activity  
Word count: 5k +  
Big Thanks: To Ceslas for the beta and the positive reaction, does wonders for my confidence. There's been some tiny additions so any remaining mistakes are mine all mine.

Hard to miss...

Jayne Cobb stood, propping up a street corner far enough from the Eavesdown docks to have half way respectable people walking the streets. He was hoping to catch the eye of some woman who wasn't too respectable to consider a no strings attached tumble with a bit of rough. The tactic had worked for him before.

He would have preferred to keep things simple and pay a whore, but after putting some money towards the fixing up of Serenity, his pockets held just enough cashy money for a decent drink or two. Jayne Cobb had seen too many people die lately, two that had mattered and he wanted to remind himself he was still living. He had a powerful itch to scratch.

Some time after noon the streets filled up, people hastening out to lunch, or to do some shopping. He had to flatten himself against the wall to avoid the bustling crowds. He considered giving up, there was much less chance of making a connection when the streets were full and people were rushed.

He was just about to push himself into the throng and make his way to a bar, when a woman stumbled against him, buffeting his body and nearly poking his eye out with the tip of her parasol. He opened his mouth to swear, then froze, an enticing smell assaulted his nostrils and warmed his nether regions.

He was very sensitive to smell, it came from tracking he guessed, or maybe it was one of the reason's he was so good at it. That was as far as he wanted to analyse the skill, doing was always much more fun than thinking on things. 

Before he could put out a hand to help, she was gone with a swish of silk against his hand. On instinct, he pushed himself from the wall and set off in pursuit, following his nose.

The crowd cleared a little at the end of the street and he got a better look at her, not that he could see that much, the upper part of her body was hidden under the outsize, gaily coloured parasol with a long fringe. He stepped in behind her and shot an assessing look at her green silk covered behind. It looked nice and pert, bit on the thin side maybe; he hoped the rest of her lived up to the promise of her rear end.

"Need an escort lady? Streets are mighty dangerous, 'specially for a peach like yerself." he stuck his best come and get me smile on his face, hoping she would stop to see what a fine, noble, specimen of manhood was offering her his protection.

She stopped, turned and the parasol tipped to one side.

"Gorramn it!" The face underneath was all too familiar. He figured Inara was missing a dress and now he came to think about it, wasn't that the parasol Kaylee had bought at some market a couple of months back?

River Tam looked up at him innocently. "You think I am a fruit? Why would a fruit need your protection? Will someone try and take a bite?"

Jayne ignored that, he was damn sure she knew what he'd meant by peach and was in no mood to discuss it, "what ya doin' here crazy?" 

"Wanted to go for a walk."

"Why?"

She shrugged, "Because now I can, I thought I might find someone I could talk to, thought a nice boy might buy me tea," she looked up at him, vaguely hopeful, "or an ice planet".

Jayne looked back down at her; if that was a hint, he wasn't inclined to take it. Now that he could see it clearly the dress didn't fit properly, it was a touch too tight on the waist and a little loose on the hips and the chest. Plus a dress like that left her face looking naked and even younger than usual, a woman wearing a dress like that usually had a face full of make up as well.

"Ain't gonna find no nice boy's, might find some dirty old man 'cos you look like a kid playin' dress up in ya momma's clothes. Side's a fella finds a slip of a thing like you hanging round the street's on her own, they ain't gonna be thinking of tea an' ice planets, they're gonna think of gettin' into yer pants."

River flushed slightly, she looked away from Jayne, an unconvincing look of indifference on her face.

When he was paying attention there were certain things Jayne had an unerring instinct for, women in the mood for sex was one of them. He grabbed her arm, "That's what yer after, ain't it, ya wanna pick some fella up. That's why ya sashaying around in 'Nara's dress tryin' ta look all grown. Don't rightly know what they call that in the Core but we got words for girls like that on the Rim."

River yanked her arm away, "You are in no position to give lectures Jayne Cobb you stand on street corners looking for casual sex, you visit whores, how dare you judge me."

"Hell I ain't interested in what ya do, just reckon a real man, one as is worth havin', ain't gonna want a barely all there little stick with googly eyes an' her hair in a snarl."

River's hand strayed to her hair, she had actually brushed it before leaving the ship and she couldn't believe it had ravelled itself into a knot already. She realised that Jayne was merely being insulting as usual; perhaps he didn't think that she was a stick or that her eyes were googly either. As for not being all there, she was much better, but what did he expect, miracles?

A calculating look replaced her indignant expression.

"I cannot be that unappealing; my proximity caused your member to begin the engorgement process." River saw the 'you what?' expression on his face and sighed. "You have," she paused and looked irritably at the area in question, "had, the beginnings of a stiffy, woody, boner, hard on, the horn, little soldier at attention…"

"Ain't 'cos it's you, my pecker ain't discriminatin' like the rest of me."

River looked quizzically into his eyes, "Hardly discriminating to choose a bed mate based on a smell."

Jayne didn't stop to wonder how she knew about his John Thomas' behaviour, or the smell, because she undoubtedly plucked it straight out of his head, he shrugged.

River regarded him steadily, "I will change my brand of shampoo."

"Whatever," he sneered, "You goin' after some nice boy? Hah!"

River bit her lip, she looked a little crest fallen, "N-no, the mood has passed."

"Well can ya get outta here, you're damagin' my mood and I ain't gotta a hope of gettin' what I want wid ya hanging around." 

River stuck her tongue out and left.

888888

Four and a half hours later Jayne Cobb stomped up the cargo bay ramp carrying a niggling headache from drinking bad whiskey and a foul mood from his failure to get sexed.

He didn't like admitting it and didn't want to analyse it, but River's brief presence had left him distracted and uncomfortable. He'd gone to a cheap bar and sat for a good while, drinking watered down whiskey with a raw unfinished taste that told him it hadn't been aged enough. If it had been a kid, it wouldn't have been on solids and definitely still in diapers.

The only thing to be said for it was that it had turned enough cashy money for two decent drinks into enough for six.

By the time, he'd shaken off his unaccustomed mood the streets had darkened and filled with working girls (and boys) and other people who made their livings on the wrong side of the law. If he'd hung around on street corners, he was likely to get offers he didn't want, from folk's with grubby eyes and money in their sweaty, grabby fingers.

He hated the Core. 

Out on the Rim there'd have been a damn good chance the proprietor of almost any cathouse would have known him and many of them would give him credit for at least a quickie. The owners and the girls changed over so fast on the Eavesdown docks he hadn't recognised anyone.

He wondered if he should tell Simon about River's little adventure and that bothered him because his largely indifferent distaste for the girl seemed to have evaporated. He still avoided her when he could, Jayne couldn't recall spending any time in her company other than in the galley since they'd reached the Eavesdown docks and even then he'd kept his distance.

He kept worrying at the problem as if it was stubborn splinter stuck in his fingertip. It seemed the girl saving his manly self from being Reaver chow had left him feeling obligated. He couldn't decide whether it obligated him to keep her secrets, or to tell her brother she'd been doing something dumb.

She was still dangerous, she was still trouble but he supposed she was something like crew. 

He went to his bunk and tried to sleep, but his headache just got worse. He gave up, got up and swung by the infirmary so that he could wreck the place looking for painkillers before going off to work out his frustrations on the weight bench.

Once he got there, he couldn't work up the enthusiasm to get going, he sat down and started work on a good self-pitying sulk instead, because at least, when he thought about his own problems, it drowned out any concern about hers.

He had a good head of steam on an 'ain't fair, ain't had a chance of a willin' woman fer weeks an' crazy's gotta ruin my mood. Streets were prolly full a' red hot, Core bred fancy pieces just waiting for a fella like me ta make their day, gorramn it,' sulk, when the focus of his brooding descended the cargo bay stairs. She trod deliberately downwards dressed in a ratty t-shirt and shorts with her hair all newly washed, fluffy and curling damply at the ends.

She made a beeline for his position and stood there, one arm folded across her chest, a wash bag hanging from her other hand, glaring down at him.

"What you want crazy?" he spat, wanting in no way to deal with her peculiarities right now.

"What do I smell of?" she demanded.

"Huh?"

"What do I smell of?" she literally stamped one little foot; "I have washed my hair in a different shampoo and used a different soap."

"Ain't interested."

"Your interest is not required, your co-operation is. What do I smell of?" she made a wafting movement with her hand as if she was trying to send her smell his way.

Jayne glared up at her a moment, his jaw working, "You wanna know moonbrain! Hell I'll tell ya!" He sprang to his feet, grabbed River by the shoulders, shoved his face into the crook of her neck and inhaled violently.

He pushed her back to arms length and sneered at her.

"You smell of fake apple soap an' fake strawberry shampoo, that T-shirt smells like stale detergent 'cos you put too much soap in when ya do yer wash, you bin sittin' in the pilots chair 'cos I can smell that funky fake leather an' your sweatin' some 'cos yer a bit salty even though you just had a shower. An' you smell like girl 'cos it don't matter how much soap ya use there ain't nothin' cep't me getting a real bad cold gonna stop me smelling that." He glared at her, "Satisfied now?"

River didn't respond, she was looking at the floor, holding her breath, flushed pink in the face. He frowned down at her, confused, shouldn't she kicking him or something? Or at least babbling something gorramn confusing?

River glanced up at him through her eyelashes. She'd started breathing again with a hitch, faster than usual, her flush straying down her neck and under her shirt.

Jayne took a good, thoughtful look at her. At some point while his nose had been pressed into her hair and his lips had been ghosting her skin, his un-satisfied John Thomas had started to take an interest. His fingers tightened on her shoulders and he looked down at her, a feral speculation coming to life in his eyes. Jayne Cobb stopped thinking of the girl in his hands as a not so crazy but occasionally useful pain in the butt and started to think of her as a possible solution to his immediate problem. It seemed fair, the girl had ruined his earlier plans, plus she was showing all the signs of wanting to get sexed, wanting to get sexed badly if a fella just grabbing her shoulders was enough to get her motor turning. There wasn't a man handy that he could think of would do it better.

He'd be doing her a favour really.

He ran his eyes down her, he might have a preference for girls with a bit more heft to them, but now he was really looking, there was enough to look at.

"Let's see here, maybe I missed a few, gotta go back and check." He pushed his face into her neck again and started snuffling and rooting around. His senses on the strain to gauge her reaction. River froze and squeaked, he thought she was going to run, but her head dropped hesitantly to one side, giving him greater access. She began to tremble slightly, just a tiny vibration and that was all kinds of interesting. "Reckon I'd better just taste ya little, helps me get the smells clear." He muttered against her skin before running his tongue gently up her neck finishing off with a little nuzzle to her earlobe.

Her breath hissed through her teeth and her trembling increased. Her tiny frame was tensed like a strung wire, as if she didn't know what to do with her body, as if she wanted to run, but couldn't. The arm across her chest dropped and wavered undecided; finally, it came to rest on her own thigh, her hand fisted in the fabric of her shorts. 

He allowed his hands to drift, working her skin lightly, ghosting across the sensitive points in her back, floating down towards her rear end; she didn't seem to mind because she took a stumbling step closer.

He filled his hands with round, warm flesh and let his palms explore all the dips and curves, easy and light, looking to warm her into eager acceptance.

He slipped one hand from her rear, slowly up the inside of her shirt, easing the fabric up a little, finding the sensitive spots on her back again, reaching around so that he could tease the side of her breast a little. All of it slow, making her whimper and step tighter to his body, shifting herself against him.

His mind sang the smug 'I'm gonna get me laid song.' Bit's and pieces in his grey matter tried to point out that there might be consequences, but he stomped on them. She was there and Jayne Cobb had the skills to make her mindless and willing.

The noise she made at the back of her throat, the smell bursting from her skin, and, as she shifted her stance, the graze of two pebbly tips brushing against him through their shirts, told him to go for gold. He slid a hand, achingly slow, round to her front, gently stroking her belly and preparing for the right moment to slide it down.

The feel of her warm skin against his calluses surprised him, it buzzed through his entire body.

Her innocence (and the niggling feeling that she was crew now), might have made him pause if his options had been a bit more open, or if their encounter on the street hadn't given him an insight into her desires, or to be plain, if he had actually thinking with his brain at that point.

His not so little soldier was now fully at attention.

The one coherent thought tickling his brain was that he could do the girl a service and break her in nice. The next fella, he figured, would thank him.

He felt her freeze and erroneously assumed it was his hand on her front, just dipping towards her most sensitive spot that spooked her.

Bam! 

The girl clobbered him on the side of his head with her sponge bag.

While he clutched his ear and spat swear words there a scuffle of feet and the sight of River Tam running up the cargo bay stairs three at a time.

Jayne watched her go, scowl metamorphosing into a smirk. He'd been hit by women before, a fair proportion of which had still been vulnerable to the Cobb brand of charm. River could have done him a whole heap of worse damage than could be achieved by some purple fluffy bag with a picture of a kitten on it, all kinds of interesting, definitely, might be worth following her, yeah.

His sense of self preservation along with his conscience (much smaller but present never the less) both of which had been shoved in a corner sulking for the last few minutes, tried to make themselves heard. His sense of self-preservation was waving a mental picture of a scalpel and his conscience was trying to wave a picture of the airlock, but being too small to get it off the ground it satisfied itself by jumping up and down and pointing. The other shoe dropped.

Like snow off the roof in a sharp thaw, the smirk slid off Jayne Cobbs face.

The tightness in his pants evaporated too.

88888

Ten minutes later, having run through his options he was banging on Inara's door.

He was confronted by an irate Inara with an imperfectly tied robe over some lacy thing. For once he had no desire to peek, he'd sworn off leering, letching and peeking, saving his own ass was definitely at the top of his list.

"What do you want?" she snapped, none too friendly.

"I dun screwed up and I can't undo it but I reckon you can help."

Inara frowned at him, "And you think I would help you why?"

"'Cos I din't mean no harm, just forgot myself for a minute an' I think I scared her." 

"Her?"

"Uh… River."

Inara had long finger nails and every one of them on her right hand sunk to the full in his arm as she dragged him in.

"What did you do Jayne Cobb?" she hissed.

"Gorramnit woman, get yer claws outta me. Din't ravish her or nuthin' if that's what yer thinkin'." Inara's nails withdrew, she seemed relieved. Jayne checked the damage, four neat bleeding holes on the underside and one on the top of his arm. He glared at her, then realised he shouldn't start griping if he wanted her help.

"Tell me what you have done and I will do what I can to help River, if that helps you as well then so be it."

He pouted for a moment, and then shrugged; he was unlikely to get a better offer. "Fair 'nough, I was hanging around down town, hopin' to catch some woman's fancy, 'cos I ain't got the money for a whore, when there was this smell went straight to my John Thomas."

Inara's lips twitched very slightly, she was still concerned for River but Jayne had promised that he hadn't forced his intentions on her. Since Inara was more than sure that River could make mincemeat of the mercenary anyway she was inclined to believe him.

"Smells can be very powerful triggers; it forms part of the Companion training." 

"Yeah, real interestin'," Inara narrowed her eyes at him, "anyway," he hurried on, "the smell seemed to be workin' for me so I spoke to the woman who was hid behind a parasol n' it was River."

Inara frowned again, "River was out on her own? Did she say why?"

"Said she wanted a walk an' wanted to see if she could find a boy ta talk to. She'd got one of yer dresses on I reckon, some green thing, ain't seen ya wear it , but it looks like one of yours. She had Kaylee's parasol hidin' her face too."

Inara got up and went to check her wardrobe. The green silk dress, brought on a whim on a day when Mal had been so maddening she would have brought anything to get some retail therapy was gone.

She sat down again, frowning thoughtfully, "What did she say when you spoke to her?"

"She wanted ta see if a fella would buy her tea or an ice planet, but she was after more n' that if ya catch my drift." Jayne waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Inara frowned, she had no difficulty getting Jayne's drift, she'd seen the signs herself and she wouldn't question Jayne's assessment either; other than herself there was no one on board with better sexual instincts.

"Is that the problem? Do you want me to talk to her about, what, dating, courting, personal grooming, how to meet boys, safe sex, sensible sexual practice?"

"Naw… well ain't sayin' it might not be a bad idea, Doc 'ud dress her in pigtails n' bloomers if he had his way."

"Yes he is abnormally incapable of seeing his sister as a young woman."

"Yeah, whatever, anyway, I came back to the ship earlier than I expected an' went to the weight bench, River comes up an' she wanted me to..." his voice lost itself.

"What Jayne, what did she want you to do?" asked Inara, urgently, her hand gripping his arm again.

"Uh, she wanted me to smell her," he mumbled, it all seemed a bit silly, now he came to think about it.

"What!" snapped Inara impatiently.

"She wanted me to smell her."

"Why?" 

"'Cos she figured her shampoo smell got my motor turnin' an' she'd washed her hair."

Inara frowned a bit more, working this out, "Do I understand that she was aware of your arousal on the street and wanted to see if changing her smell would change your reaction."

"Yeah, I think, anyway I weren't in a good mood so I snapped at her a bit an' when she wouldn't go away I grabbed her, not in any wrong way though, an' had me a sniff an' told her what she smelled like."

"And then what happened."

"She looked like she liked it so I sniffed her again."

"Really?" Inara's lips twitched, her clear gaze making Jayne feel powerfully silly.

"Yeah I got kinda close an' had a good sniff, around her… uh neck area, hands might have wandered a little, well more n' a little, nuzzled her ear a bit too. I swear 'Nara, she was likin' it fine, then all of a sudden she din't."

"Oh…" Inara's lip's twitched a little more, despite her frown, "What did she do?"

"Hit me on the lug with one of them bags you women folks carry to the shower. Can't rightly imagine what she had in it, felt like one of Kaylee's spanners. Ain't like I wouldn't have treated her nice neither." Jayne's sense of grievance re-surfaced, along with his scowl.

Inara's hand covered her mouth; Jayne glowering at her didn't make it any easier to control herself. "Jayne, why did you come to me and what do you want me to do?"

"Mal 'ud shoot me first 'an ask questions later. Simon 'ud scream like a girl 'an I'd never get to explain nuthin, whole situation 'ud just get worse. Kaylee can't see further than the end of the Doc's dick just now, less it's to do with the engine and Zoë ain't the kind to interfere, 'less Mal ordered her to, even if she din't, ya know, have Wash on her mind." Jayne stopped; a ghost of some emotion flickered across his face so fast that even Inara, expert at reading people didn't catch it.

"I might'a gone ta Book, he'd have experience, I reckon, at straightening out young un's, but I can't." Inara's hand relaxed on Jayne's arm and then squeezed gently, the best she felt she could do for the big gruff mercenary to express sympathy and comfort.

If he felt it, Jayne didn't react, just carried on, "So, ya gotta be the best option, ya got experience with girls that age with the teachin' an' all. A girl lookin' ta whor… companion herself out has gotta have some of the same worries as a regular girl lookin' to get sexed the first time," he stopped to think a little, "far as ya can call River regular of course."

"I'll talk to her, but if she wants to complain about you to Mal or Simon I'm not going to stop her, she's a vulnerable girl Jayne."

"Yeah, real vulnerable, tell that ter the Reavers," groused Jayne. 

8888888

A short while later there was a tap on River's door.

"River, it's Inara."

The door slid open and River peeked out. "Where is Jayne?"

"Hiding down the corridor sweetie, can I talk to you."

River opened the door fully and allowed Inara to come in.

"He told you what happened," stated River, her face flushing vividly, hugging and rubbing her arms as if she was cold.

"Yes River, why don't we sit down?" River plumped down on the bed next to Inara as she put a comforting arm round her shoulders, she could feel River shivering and looked at her carefully. Satisfied, for the moment, that she was seeing the symptoms of acute teenage embarrassment as opposed to an imminent episode, she dismissed her immediate impulse to call for Simon.

"I am mortified." River's voice was high pitched and scratchy, her vocal cords tightened by stress.

Inara gave her a comforting squeeze, "I think he is a little embarrassed as well. And worried, I think he thinks you will tell your brother or Mal and that they might be less than forgiving."

"Nothing to tell really, though they are both the Princes of overreaction, scalpels or the airlock, makes it very difficult." said River sadly.

"Why did you go out on your own? The city is quite dangerous, even for someone as talented as you."

River blushed an even deeper shade of red. "I wanted to see if boys would notice me, to see if I was pretty enough, to see if the glue holding my pieces together would be visible to others."

Inara took her by the chin and gently turned the young woman's face to hers, "You are beautiful River, and if you want I can help you buy some clothes and show you how to use make up, but I'm not really sure that you are telling me the whole truth."

River hung her head.

"River sweetie, I've noticed you," Inara searched for words for a moment, "looking at Jayne."

River shrugged. "He is right there in front of me, he is hard to miss."

"I can't help wondering if your bumping into him today was the accident he thinks it is."

River went from red to crimson.

"It's understandable River, he has a certain crude attraction, but just because he is there it doesn't make him a good choice for you." Inara stroked River's hair, "Think of everything you lost, Jayne isn't a man to give any of it back to you."

River fluttered her hands as she spoke, her words accelerating rapidly to a babble, "Can't loose what you never wanted, order, civilization, decorum; all irritating irrelevant distractions from reality, didn't fit, so confused, cuckoo in the nest, the food is important, not the fork you eat it with."

Inara looked at River with sympathy but a complete lack of understanding. "Sweetie…?"

River rolled her eyes, took two deep breaths, put her words carefully into order in her head and interrupted Inara's search for the best thing to say,

"Why do you want the Captain?"

"W-what?" 

"Why do you want the Captain? Justify it as you would ask me to justify my choices. He is moody, trapped in the past, resistant of moving forward, he wants to control everything, he is dismissive of your profession. For every reason there is for me not to want Jayne there is one for you not to want the Captain, but you do." 

Inara opened and closed her mouth for a moment then smiled ruefully, "I am not going to win this argument am I."

River tapped her head, "Resident genius."

"I'm not saying I agree with you River, but, he made advances to you and you hit him with a toiletry bag, it's not very consistent."

"I was fooling myself, I wanted him to want me," murmured River sadly, "but when I finally got the courage to open my mind and see his thoughts, he wasn't seeing me, just reacting to pheromones and his failure to gain sexual gratification." River sighed, "want him to want me as a whole package, not a convenient set of animated orifices."

Somewhere in the depths of her psyche that flicked Inara on the raw, "What are you going to do?" 

"Re-assure him that I will not tell Simon or Mal, continue, wait, frustrating but necessary."

"Wait for what?" 

"Until he sees me. Until he wants me for longer than until the end of his orgasm."

"Oh," Inara paused to digest this, "have you considered he might not, men can be very blind," she said gently, placing a hand over River's.

"There speaks the voice of experience," said River wryly, Inara flinched visibly this time. River pecked a kiss onto Inara's forehead by way of apology, "Sorry," she said contritely, "appropriate or inappropriate, sometimes it all comes out."

Inara smiled at her, but it didn't quite meet her eyes.

River pecked her on the forehead again and stood up, she selected an outsize, sludge coloured, chunky knit, high-necked sweater, with a badly executed daisy motif on the front and put it on.

Inara frowned, the thing was repugnant, "Surely that thing is too warm to wear aboard ship?" she said tactfully.

River grinned, "Do not want to look even slightly attractive, otherwise Jayne may be distracted again. If I have to hit him too many times he may be discouraged." She started guiltily, "I have put your dress in the wash, I brought an ice planet to cheer myself up and…"

Inara's smile widened and became far more genuine, "It's alright River, it wasn't my favourite, just ask next time, ok?"

River nodded and stepped into the corridor.

She tracked Jayne down to the infirmary where he was absently fiddling with a scalpel. Internally she grinned; the big ox felt the need to have some form of weapon to hand.

He spotted her out of the corner of his eye, but refused to look at her. As she stepped into the infirmary he stepped back a pace or two. He was so tense his shoulders were somewhere up round his ears, she could feel his confusion, worry and anger, the last being directed at himself, which she found interesting.

She took a deep breath and tried to still the remaining shivers in her body, "Your concern is unfounded, I do not intend to attack you and I do not plan to discuss the occurrence with Simon or Mal, would both look foolish."

"Oh, well, that's alright then. Sorry, I guess. Ain't entirely sure fer what but that's regular with women." He relaxed a little against the treatment bed, relief disoving his muscles, "If you wanna, I got friends in damn near every cat house on the Rim, they'd find ya a decent fella to have a tumble with. Ain't that I don't understand or nuthin', hell when I was eighteen I had me a permanent hard on." 

River flushed and swallowed, "Thank you, no, at least not yet, it was a mistake."

"Fair enough, offer stands, won't tell yer brother."

He frowned at her.

"What's that ugly thing yer wearin'?"

River looked down at her sweater, "It is warm and functional, its appearance is irrelevant. Simon brought it for me, he thinks the flower is abstract."

"Bout the colour of puke is what it is, ain't seen any flower that looks like that neither, less it's bin trodden on. Ourghta wear something with some colour an' shape to it, red I guess, red 'ud be good." 

"I will bear that in mind," her heart sang a tiny, slightly smug song, "You see me." She smiled.

"Well yeah moonbrian, yer standin' right there."

River sighed, "Never mind. I can wait." She skipped out of the infirmary and away.

A nebulous feeling of panic gripped Jayne, "Wait fer what?"


	2. I wont send roses

**Title** – Roses part one  
**Rating** - PG (Some very mild cussing and references to sex)  
**Type** - Fluffish

**Pairing** - Pre River and Jayne  
**Word count** - 1734  
**Disclaimer** - Not mine, not paid, please don't sue.  
**Warnings** - None needed that I can see  
**Spoilers** - None

Huge thanks to the magic beta lady Ceslas who not only sorts out my grammar and spelling but also inspires me with confidence.

**Roses**

Within an hour of their landing on Londinium there was a small pretty woman standing on the cargo bay ramp bearing a bouquet of twelve red roses.

They were for River. Somehow, word spread among the crew and every last one of them found a reason to be in Serenity's hold to see her take possession of them.

Except Jayne, he was in the cargo bay anyway, lifting weights.

River tried to maintain an impassive front as she accepted the flowers and tipped the delivery girl.

There was a card. She read it. She read it again. She tried not to show her disappointment because the idea of Jayne Cobb buying her roses was so ridiculous she was ashamed of the hope that flared through her as she stepped gracefully across the cargo bay.

"Who sent 'em River," squeaked Kaylee, unable to contain herself any longer.

River turned and stuck a woefully fake smile to her face.

"Badger, a gift to mark my birthday."

"If I'm remeberin' right you ain't eighteen 'till next week little 'Tross," commented Mal, frowning. "Man's a might early, an' how's he know your birthday, or where we're gonna be?" No one answered him and he didn't really care much. He was busy being several miles from happy about his sometime partner in crime sending flowers to his co-pilot come extra gun hand come he didn't know what. Red roses screamed _romance_ and River, Badger and romance mixing in his brainpan was something he couldn't get comfortable with. He didn't know whether to get mad, laugh or throw up.

"The man's gone to some effort if he's arranged this delivery from Persephone," observed Zoë impassively.

"It's kinda nice," said Kaylee uncertainly.

River's eyes passed over Simon's rather green and Inara's non-committal expression.

Jayne Cobb sat on the end of the weight bench, looking at her flowers like something nasty he'd stepped in.

River watched him carefully as she dropped the next bombshell.

"He wishes me to accompany him to dinner when we are next on Persephone."

Jayne barked out a laugh, "Gorramn rat's cracked worse than ya are girl."

River tried to find the words to tell Jayne Cobb exactly what she thought of him at that moment, but her brain tangled into a slew of disconnected syllables and her voice failed her. She stalked out of the cargo bay clutching her flowers to her chest, so furious she could feel the tears pressing at her eyes.

Jayne found himself the focus of a number of dirty looks.

"That weren't nice," snapped Kaylee.

"What? Just sayin' that Crazy don't gotta waste her time on that huan dan is all, gotta be someone better than Badger ta date. Why's that got her all bent outta shape?"

Zoë considered smacking him on the ear, "I don't think River understood that Jayne, I think she thought you meant Badger was cracked to want to ask her to dinner."

"Well, I din't mean that," Jayne shrugged indifferently.

"I would go and apologise immediately." Inara said sternly.

Jayne gave her a cocky look, "Would 'ya now?"

"Jayne!" snapped Zoë.

Jayne shared a sneer with the whole room. "How come I gotta 'splain thing's to a mind reading genius?"

"Because my sister does her level best to keep out of our minds," Simon's eyes flicked contemptuously over the Mercenary, "of course it must be easier in your case, there is so little to avoid."

Jayne sprang up at that, buzzing near to joy at having an excuse to hit someone. He hadn't had the chance for weeks. He stepped deliberately towards the Doctor, an arrogant, _I can take you with one finger, _smirk decorating his face.

"No," squeaked Kaylee, stepping in front of Simon. Baffled, Jayne came to a halt, rocking on the balls of his feet. Simon moved Kaylee out of the way, showing greater guts and far greater stupidity than Jayne would have given him credit for. Jayne grinned and got ready to swing.

"Jayne!" barked Mal, the Mercenary's fist stalled and his head snapped round to glare irritably at him, gorramn Captain was always spoiling his fun. "Yer gonna apologise to my co-pilot and do it good. I ain't got time ta be coaxin' her out of Serenity's walls if she gets upset dong ma?"

"Gorramn it," Jayne muttered, eyes measuring Mal, jaw working as he chewed the situation over. Zoë watched the thinking going on inside Jayne's head through his eyes. She hated these moments, even as they got less and less frequent. One day she still half, no, she had to be fair, the man had changed, so less than a quarter expected Jayne to find more in favour of trying to take the Captain down than backing down. If that day came Zoë wasn't over sure of the outcome

Invisibly the tension in her muscles eased as finally Jayne spun and stalked down the corridor towards the passenger dorms. His sour muttering drifted back to them as he went.

"Feng li girl thinkin' bad of me every time I open my gorramn mouth, gorramn Captain, ain't like I was gonna kill the fancified little prick…" He slowed his pace; something had just come home to him. Over the last couple of weeks there'd been a lot of girly activity, Inara and Kaylee with their heads together, making plans for the girl's birthday. Jayne had generally made sure he was wherever the pair weren't because female cooing and giggling wasn't high on his list of likes, unless it was in bed and not too much of it even then.

He knew that Crazy was young, because, well that was obvious. He'd a hit an age where young was just that, he couldn't tell the difference between a seventeen year old and a twenty year old just by looking.

He tried to remember if anyone had ever told him her age, or mentioned it in his presence. A niggling, uncomfortable feeling stole over him. He had a nasty feeling they had, in fact he was sure of it but it hadn't registered or meant anything to him because he hadn't been paying attention.

He hadn't cared.

It had only just really hit him, one month ago he'd been groping and hoping to sex a seventeen year old.

He was, he paused to calculate his own age, too gorramn old most people would say for a, he was certain, virtuous seventeen year old who had to be expecting more than a fistful of coin at the end of the tussle.

However much they'd looked like they wanted it.

However good they smelt.

However much their skin had sent his blood buzzing and his nethers aching.

However good the dreams were and they were real, real goo…he slammed the door shut on that train of thought.

It wasn't so much that he saw a problem with her age, if a girl was willing that was pretty much all Jayne Cobb needed to know. It was just his ma, never-mind Mal and Simon would kill him. Not that he intended to tell his ma, because that would end up with the look, the angry, disappointed but not surprised look that only his ma could give him. She was the only person who could give him that look and actually make it tell.

If he'd bothered to analyse it he would have realised it was the lack of surprise that always stung the most.

Some of his ma's letters made him feel ten feet tall. The one's when she thanked him for the coin that was helping to keep the family's head above water, the one's that contained socks, or hats that somehow had the tasty smells of his ma's kitchen stuck in the wool.

The woman could knit him a sweater in baby pink wool with a bunny rabbit on it and he'd wear it.

Admittedly in the privacy of his bunk, in the deep, dark, dead of the night.

But occasionally she'd give him the 'look' in writing, a couple of her letters had made his skin feel two sizes too small. The woman had made it her life mission to make up for what she saw as the failings in his conscience

Jayne Cobb had some pretty basic priorities in life; the primary ones were breathing, eating, drinking, sleeping, sexing and avoiding any circumstance that might lead to the 'look'.

It had a lot to do with him shipping off planet at seventeen.

His brain gave a lurch, he'd done a whole pile of stuff since he'd left home that his ma would have given him more than the 'look' for, why the hell was he thinking on it now?

He came back to the here and now with a start and found himself staring at River's closed door, not sure how long he'd been there. He set his jaw and banged on it.

"Go away!"

Jayne went from being mad at himself to being mad at her, because that was a whole lot more fun. If he wasn't going to be allowed to hit someone a little yelling might relieve his feelings. "Ain't gonna."

The door slid back with a bang, Jayne opened his mouth, possibly to apologise. A bunch of twelve red roses smacked him violently in the face and cut him off. He stood in a shower of rose petals, stems stuck by their thorns in his shirt and lying at his feet.

He spat out a petal or two and glared at the closed panel door. His inclination was too storm in there and… and… his mind failed him. What he wanted to do was spank her but even if she let him live afterwards Jayne was fairly sure Mal wouldn't.

Plus if his ma found out there would be that 'look' all over again.

He stomped through the cargo bay past the amused glances of the rest of the crew, shedding petals, leaves and stems as he passed. He stomped up the cargo bay stairs, muttering horribly as he went.

"Gorramn, you jing shen bing gui nu throwin' flowers at a man. Hell even I know better than ta waste coin on sumthin' that's gonna be dead in a couple a' days, man oughta get her sumthin' that she needs, sumthin' she ain't gonna throw at a fella..."

* * *

you jing shen bing gui nu – crazy woman (roughly) 


	3. Or hold the door

**Series Ti**tle - Roses  
**Episode** - 2/20 (possibly) - Or hold the door...  
**Rating - PG-13** (I think one or two really naughty words the rest of it's pretty PG)  
**Type** - Fluffish  
**Pairing** - Pre River and Jayne  
**Word count** - 2913  
**Disclaimer** - Not mine, not paid, please don't sue.  
**Warnings** - None needed that I can see  
**Spoilers** - None

Huge thanks to Ceslas for the betaing and encouragement.

**Authors notes:** (Because I forgot to explain all this in the first part). This series (the first I have ever attempted) started from a song, "I wont send Roses" from the musical Mac and Mabel, which in my (possibly bizarre) opinion is rayney. I turned the song into a prompt table and used that for the first four parts, then abandoned it because the story wanted to go where it wanted to go. The thing starts out silly and fluffy, but later parts (already written and posted on Rayneshippers) will be less so.

**Or hold the door…**

After being smacked in the face with a bunch of roses, Jayne spent an hour in his bunk, fifty minutes sulking and ten thinking.

In that ten minutes Jayne came to certain conclusions. River was angry with him, River might be mad enough to tell everyone about the little incident in the cargo bay and Jayne did not want to be yelled at, or shot, or tossed off the ship, or spaced, or whatever else Mal, Zoë and Simon might decide on.

Worse, Kaylee might give him the big reproachful eyes.

Even if Inara decided to speak in his defence, he wasn't sure it would do him any good.

He had to stop River being mad at him.

He recalled that the last time the Doctor had stuck his foot in his mouth he'd brought Kaylee hair ribbons and Kaylee just turned straight from an ice maiden into a puddle of goo. Jayne frowned, of course it could be the pathetic grovelling that the Doctor had done that did the trick. But since Jayne just wanted River to start talking to him and generally not throw stuff, specifically stuff with thorns, a present should do it and it wouldn't look weird because her birthday was coming up.

Perfect.

Still, he'd have to get this just right. He didn't want River to be a puddle of goo; he'd been half way down that road once and didn't want to go there again. Even if he'd had a dream or two on the subject, even if along with Zoë's legs, Kaylee's ass and Inara's everything the feel of the girl under his fingers made regular guest appearances during his alone time in his bunk. More often than not around the end when the girly pictures and mental images of the other women on the ship, or whores he had known weren't doing it for him. He'd focus on the feel of his thumb nudging and stroking the side of her breast, how her belly felt on the palm of his hand and the little noises she'd made. It always put him a bad temper afterwards.

On the ship, Jayne liked to know where he stood. He'd got kind of comfortable with Zoë sending him anything between expressionless to death glares, Kaylee smooching on the Doc and treating him like a cross between a brother and a puppy and Inara looking at him like he was dirt under her pretty shoes. There was fun to be had in needling them and leching after them in a general all purpose kind of way without there being any danger of anything ever happening and things getting all complicated. As an added bonus, it pissed off Mal and the Doc. It was fun.

River the out and out loony he'd known how to deal with, ignore her, but keep your hand close to a gun. When the opportunity arises, get her off the ship and turn her into someone else's problem.

River the saviour of his manly ass, River the mostly sane if pretty weird assed girl who had womanly parts and an enticing smell was beyond him. She got upset if he needled her and he couldn't bring himself to say anything even mildly lecherous because on the odd occasions some comment about her legs (the most commonly visible part of her) popped into his head he'd find those disconcerting eyes on him and he'd have to find somewhere else to be.

Sometimes he'd find his eyes resting on the girl, trying to x-ray vision his way through her baggy dresses. Inara kept talking about taking her clothes shopping, Jayne wasn't sure whether he should applaud the notion of the girl wearing stuff that fit or side with Simon in keeping her covered from neck to ankle in shapeless dresses and sweaters.

If he carefully edited out the memory of the dress she'd worn on the day of their little groping session, the last time he'd seen her in something that fit halfway properly she had knocked him out with a tray, crushed his favourite part of his anatomy and later torn apart a room full of Reavers. If he thought about any of those occasions too much he found himself getting badly turned on and it was back to his bunk with the whole problem of inappropriate thoughts about the girl rearing it's head again.

Regardless of all that, the girl's birthday was coming up and he was going to buy her a present so they'd get back to something like harmony. There wasn't enough time to make her anything so Jayne calculated the remainder of his last pay and figured he could manage something good.

He had two idea's and if he used his reputation and his 'I'm a real big, muscular, grumpy fella with a gun' haggling skills he figured he could manage both and still have enough cash left for his own needs.

He'd just congratulated himself on coming up with a grade A plan when there was a hammering on his hatch.

"Jayne you get your ass outta there," yelled Mal, "the customers here, there's work that ain't getting' done."

During the hop to Paquin he avoided River like the plague, firstly to avoid doing anything further to aggravate her, secondly to stop her picking up on his plans. If he had to be in her presence he filled his head with thoughts about anything other than his surprise. Thankfully, though River wasn't exactly ignoring him, she wasn't seeking him out either. If he hadn't been so pre-occupied with filling his head with "Whores I have known and there weren't nuthin' biblical about it," or other favourite subjects as a defence against her mind reading skills it might have bothered him a bit. No one stole food of his plate, or came to sit with him while he cleaned his girls. If he'd been paying attention he'd have missed it.

He was hiding out in his bunk when he felt _Serenity_ kiss the dirt and climbed out to glare at Mal who was standing there with his fist raised, ready to bang on the door again.

"Nice to see you Jayne, there's been a few moments where I weren't sure you was takin' this trip. I got a job for you."

Jayne didn't have the patience to unravel that and argue about it, his plan was burning a hole in his brain.

"What needs doing so bad? I thought the customer weren't getting' here for four hours?"

Mal smirked at him with his smug, 'I am the captain and it is my job to make you miserable' face on. "We're getting a mite low on ammunition, I want you to get yerself over to the Gun shop and stock up."

"That ain't a problem, any chance I can get some free time after that? I got business that needs doin'."

"Thought ya was getting' yer itch scratched tomorrow?"

"Hell yes, I got Trudie all lined up and pantin' fer my attentions. It ain't that, just got sumthin' I gotta do."

"If it involves women, drinkin' or fightin' then the answers no."

"It don't,"

"Well Ok then, you get the ammo back to Serenity, then whatever time there is between then an' three hours from now is all yours."

River, Inara, Kaylee, Simon and Zoë had gone supply shopping en-masse. They were in a rather pretty arcade in the middle of the town. Simon and Kaylee were in a pharmacy, Simon trying out a new set of false papers that had him down as Dr. Silas Tammel so he could re-stock the infirmary with a few essentials that couldn't be brought over the counter by anyone other than a Doctor.

Inara had disappeared into a shop that didn't look like a shop and seemed remarkably coy about advertising its products, leaving Zoë and River waiting on the pavement with the promise that the next stop was a clothes shop for River.

The arcade was in the nicer district near the Opera house, street artists were everywhere, paid partially by the owners of the arcade to attract and entertain customers. Even with jugglers, unicyclists and mime artists performing everywhere she looked River got bored after twenty two seconds.

"Can we go in there?" River pointed.

Zoë looked at the shop in question, Old England Guns and Ammo. She shrugged, a mime artist was giving her an itchy trigger finger, getting off the street might be a good idea.

"Can't see why not, just looking though."

As they pushed through the heavy door a man behind the counter looked up and started grinning all over his face.

"Zoë! By all that's holy! Are you still hanging around with that big moustache with the idiot attached or will you make my day and run away with me?"

"R-rick." Whispered Zoë, looking at him as if she'd seen a ghost. Her emotions crashed into River like a tidal wave, she froze, turned on her heel and walked out.

The door swung shut on its heavy spring with a high speed swish.

The man looked at River in some kind of confused panic.

"Wha…?" the man swallowed, "Where is 'e? did 'e leef 'er? the rathead sod!"

River swallowed painfully, without intention her words slipped into the Londinium cant that the man spoke. "'e-'e is brahn bread." she stammered.

The man seemed frozen for a moment before releasing a slew of profanity. "Oh, bollocks and bloody arse!" He dropped his face in his hands "Shit, shit, SHIT!"he spat through his fingers. He looked up at River in horror.

"She should 'ave killed me, why didn't she kill me? That ain't Zoë!"

Through the high speed jumble of the man's mind, she could see a long acquaintance with _Serenity's _first mate, something to do with the war and a last meeting years ago when Zoë and Wash were fresh and new. The mess of memories like a poorly edited high speed film told her something else. It was a good person she was looking at and a good friend.

River hesitantly laid a hand on his shoulder "She is hollow, the filling scooped out and lost, and she does not want to find it yet or remember what it was." River squeezed her eyes shut and scrabbled for something simple. "She, she is not herself."

Rick seemed to get the gist and laughed shakily. "You're right there." He took another breath, "she punched me the first time I met Wash because I made a pass at him."

River couldn't help herself, she started to giggle.

A wry grin tugged at Ricks face, "I know, I know, I always talk about running away with Zoë but there was just something about that moustache." A tear started to bloom at the corner of one eye but he blinked it away and coughed, embarrassed.

Without thinking, River bent over the counter and kissed him, comfortingly on the cheek.

He blinked at her.

"That was very forward miss. Feel like doing it again, perhaps here." He tapped his lips.

"No," River smiled and patted his arm, "You like boys best."

"Zoë must have talked," he said sadly, "But girls make a nice change."

Jayne barrelled through the town with a couple of big bags in his hands, chanting 'get the ammo, get the presents, get the ammo, get the presents' in his head.

When he reached the Gun shop he stuck a shoulder to the door, since he was pre-occupied and not looking he didn't notice the slim dark haired girl on the other side.

River was waving goodbye to Rick, she turned to face the door just in time to have it slam violently into her nose.

There was a crunch, and a lot of blood.

Rick got to her first, a cloth in his hand, trying to stem the flow.

Jayne cautiously pushed open the door and peeped through. "Aww crap!"

Rick gave Jayne a dirty look. "Don't yew know ter 'old a Ronald de Boer fer a lady?"

"Speak gorramn English ya nut!"

"Lovely to see you too Jayne and I am speaking English, I have my doubts about you though. Here," he nodded to the cloth in his hand, "hold this while I get some ice."

Jayne took the cloth with bad grace; as soon as Rick disappeared, he took the cloth away and subjected River's nose to a critical assessment. He took hold of it gently; River made a noise like a tea kettle and tried to swat his hand away, tears oozing from her eyes.

"Pack it in moony, I gotta find out if ya broke it ain't I, an ya have." He sighed, "We'd better get ya back ta the ship quick so yer brother can set it." He replaced the cloth to catch the blood that was still oozing sluggishly from her nose. He started to wonder if he would have to spend his whoring money to make up for this one.

"My brudder is at the pharmady." River gave Jayne a big eyed look, "Nod your fault, accidend."

"Well, I'm sorry ok. Had stuff on ma mind, an…"

"What's going on? River!" Simon wriggled past Jayne and snatched the cloth out of his hand.

"Dayne bumped my dose wid da door."

"Bèn dàn, fǔ chòu yuán rén."he spat, "River, mei mei, let me see."

"It's broke," stated Jayne.

"Are you a Doctor?" snapped Simon.

"No."

"Then shut up. Didn't it occur to you to come and get me? If I hadn't seen your sizable rear end sticking out of the door I wouldn't have known you were here." Simon assessed River's nose, he sighed, "It is broken."

"My ass ain't siz-ab-le no how." Said Jayne, affronted by the suggestion, "An I tol' ya her nose were broke."

"With you medical expertise there was just as much chance that you'd have diagnosed a broken arm."

Rick arrived and taking in the situation at a glance, handed the ice, wrapped in a towel to Simon, who nodded his thanks.

Kaylee's head popped around the door, "Come on honey, can't think that Jayne would do this on purpose."

"Which just adds clumsiness to his stupidity."

"Hey!" yelled Jayne.

"Little Kaylee is that you?" bellowed Rick.

"Rick!" she screamed and clambered over Simon and River to get to him, getting a hearty kiss for her efforts.

Simon's mouth dropped open, and he squeezed harder than he intended on River's nose.

River made a shrieking noise. Kaylee thumped Rick affectionately on the arm to get him to put her down.

"You can't do that no-more Rick, that's my fella Simon tendin' to his sister River on the floor."

"But you promised you'd marry me!" pouted Rick. Kaylee giggled.

"If I got to eighty an' was still unwed ya dope."

"So has he," Rick nodded at Simon, "married you yet?" Kaylee blushed violently and shook her head.

"Because he dis a doob," muttered River. Simon glared at her and Jayne sniggered.

Rick slapped a hand to his heart. "So there is still hope," he cried theatrically.

"I don't want to break up such a touching reunion but can we consider how best to get River back to the ship please?" asked Simon dryly.

"Why?" asked Jayne, "ain't her legs workin'?"

"If they are I'm sure it's no thanks to you!" snapped Simon.

"Honey, ya know Rick kissin' me don't mean nothin' don't ya?" Kaylee stuck a hand on Simon's arm and looked pleadingly into his face.

"Oh it means something," said Rick wickedly.

"Yed," said River, looking sternly up at him, "id meands you like to dease people. Which id nod nice," Rick looked abashed, "especildly because Dimon is dore your type."

Simon looked non-plused, Jayne and Kaylee hooted with laughter.

"Dow," said River, taking command of the situation and standing up. "Dere is no reason do blame Dayne, it was an accidend and Dayne is correct, my legs dar ok. Dimon can dake me back to da ship, Daylee dan finish supply shopping wid 'Dara and Doe and Dayne can finish shopping for ammunition." She looked around, a strange sight with her nose puffed up and blood all down her front. "Dar we agreed?"

"You're mighty in charge all of a sudden," observed Jayne, crossing his arms.

"If I dond shud dem up my head will explode. Id helped me docus." River smiled at him sunnily through the blood.

When Jayne got back to the ship River was in the infirmary and could not defend him against Mal's tirade on the theme of "Ain't you got eyes in your dumb head Jayne Cobb?"

What with stowing the ammo, getting yelled at and being sent out to find Zoë who'd disappeared, Jayne's spare time got mostly used up. Searching for Zoë took him halfway around the town before he it occurred to him to radio Mal and get him to ask River where Zoë was. A woozy River told Mal in a convoluted way that Zoë was in Book's old room in the passenger dorms and that it was best to leave her alone. In the end, Jayne had thirty five minutes to do his shopping.

By luck, he got one of the presents just right, the other he stuffed up rather badly.

Idiot, foul smelling ape man bèn dàn, fǔ chòu yuán rén.  
Cockney Rhyming Slang Information -


	4. I wont remember what dress you wore

**Series Ti**tle - Roses  
**Episode** - 3/20 (possibly) - Dress...  
**Rating - PG**  
**Type** - Mostly Marsmallow fluff/silliness  
**Pairing** - Pre River and Jayne  
**Word count** - 2733  
**Disclaimer** - Not mine, not paid, please don't sue.  
**Warnings** - None needed that I can see  
**Spoilers** - None

* * *

**I won't remember what dress you wore**

"How come you weren't with Zoë?" asked Mal, watching Simon fiddling about with River's nose.

"I, ow!" River swiped at Simon's hand, "Waid a minide."

Simon stood there, hands held up, cotton wool at the ready.

"This needs to be done mei mei."

"Yed, just led me answer the question. The Capdain's foundations have slipped. Needs to assess da damage."

Simon didn't seem to get that, but it twisted Mal's gut. Zoë didn't walk away from a job that needed to be done, however small or un-important it seemed. Zoë was Mal's rock, Zoë was Mal's rock from the moment he met her. He'd expected that to change after he woke up from surgery in an Alliance medical bay short of the man that kept Zoë's own foundations steady.

But it didn't. Zoë didn't list and she didn't fall down. She picked up the slack, she watched his back and she never gave him so much as a look that he could interpret as blame, anger, or even grief.

She drank a bit more when the engine hooch made the rounds, but she didn't get drunk.

She spent more time in her bunk.

She talked business and not much else.

She came onto the bridge when she needed to, dealt with business and left.

She always did the job, except today.

"Da Gun shop has been daken over by da Plummer family."

"Plummer? You mean as in Rick Plummer?" asked Mal, confused "But he's from Salisbury."

"His farder did well wid da ranch," River shrugged, "Said Rick was bedder with guns dan cows."

"Huh!" Mal's brain and body just stalled, they hadn't seen Rick in three years, just hadn't been out that way. The last time had been on Greenleaf in some bar, cashy money from a good job in their pockets, all of them drinking. Rick flirting with Wash and Kaylee in turns, Mal pretending to be offended because Rick didn't fancy him, Jayne disappearing with some whore who smelled of onions and Zoë laughing, letting Wash hide behind her his finger pointing over her shoulder at Rick, joking that he feared for his virtue and begging Zoë to protect him from the nasty man.

Then they'd got a lot drunker, Wash had thrown up and next thing Mal could remember was waking up in his bed one boot off and one boot on.

Zoë had seen Rick and now she was sitting in Book's old room and River was telling him to leave her alone. This could not be good.

River slid her hand over his.

"The trumpet sounded and the walls came tumbling down," she said sadly.

Mal knew the bible better than he might admit, he wasn't sure he was man enough to face the remains of Jericho.

8888

Zoë emerged from Books old room in time for the meet with the customer with a rock hard "Don't want to talk about it," expression stamped across her face.

Mal thought about letting it go for the sake of his own comfort and physical health but decided that this was a moment where a Captain had to be a Captain.

He made sure that everyone had plenty to keep them busy, other than River who had enough to do being injured. He made a pot of coffee, squared his shoulders, pushed the fear of what he might be facing away and tracked Zoë down, requesting her company in a way that made it clear that the words might be asking, but the Captain was telling.

The ice in Zoë's eyes as she stalked past him and led the way to the galley turned his belly cold.

Somehow, coffee didn't seem appropriate when they got there, it didn't seem right to ask her to sit either. Mal hooked his fingers in his waistband and settled into his Captain stance.

"You wanna tell me why you left little 'Tross alone in the middle of a strange town?"

"No sir." Snow should have fallen out of the air from the chill in Zoë's voice.

"Damn sure I don't have to explain to you that it was a dumb thing to do." Mal watched every muscle in Zoë's body lock up. He waited for something, maybe a broken nose to match River's.

"No sir, won't happen again."

"Good to know," Mal waited, giving Zoë a silence to fill, hoping she'd do it, praying she wouldn't. She didn't. The not even words because he had no idea what they would be stuck in his throat, he was convinced in that moment that he should leave this the hell alone.

"Is that all, _sir?_" she asked after a good thirty seconds of eye contact, the last syllable so, completely frozen Mal was sure it plummeted to the floor and shattered.

"If it ain't gonna happen again, then I guess it is." Mal locked the door on his conscience that was yelling at him for being a selfish cowardly huan dan. "Go and help Jayne stow the cargo." He turned away and jumped out of his skin when he found Jayne at his shoulder.

"Done it already," Jayne announced, eyes narrow, flicking from Mal to Zoë and back.

"Well ain't you a model of efficiency," snarked Mal, "shame you can't walk through a door without causing serious injury."

"Gorramn it Mal, I tol' ya it was an accident, the girl dun told ya it was an accident. Why ya still pissed at me?"

" Cos' Hell ain't frozen over yet. Reckon I can find something to keep you and Zoë busy for a while. The septic vac needs emptying."

"Uh Mal," said Jayne looking over Mal's shoulder, "If ya talkin' ta Zoë, might be worth mentioning she ain't there no more."

Mal spun round.

"Gorramn if ain't got two witches on this ship." He scowled at the empty patch of air where he'd expected to find Zoë.

88888

"Hey girl, hold up I wanna talk ta ya." Yelled Jayne.

River ignored him and carried on up the cargo bay stairs.

"Gorramn it girl, look at me when I'm speakin' ta ya!"

River stopped halfway up the stairs, her shoulders tensed, she really, really wanted to hit Jayne Cobb right now. She'd found it easier to be forgiving about the accident before she saw the result in the mirror. She turned.

"Whad!" she snapped.

"Ugh," Jayne recoiled, "whaddya got all that strappin' go see on ya beak for?" He peered up at River.

"I broke my nasal bone, you were dere!" she huffed, crossing her arms.

"Why ain't Simon dun that fancy bone knittin' thing, an' can't he do sumthin 'bout the shiners?" Jayne gestured at River's twin Technicolor black eyes. "An, yug, why ya got cotton wool stuffed up there? Ya look like a cushion that's losin' all it's stuffin'"

River glared, "Simon dis running dhort of da medication dat makes id work, wants to deep it for emerdancies. De gave me a 'mall dose, might be bedder in de mornig."

Jayne translated that with a struggle, "Oh, well ok then," he looked a bit disappointed, "was kinda hopin' ya'd be lookin' yer best fer tonight."

"Why?" River frowned at him, and then gave that up as it hurt, "Whad is so impordant aboud tonide?"

"I'm treatin' ya ta dinner, as a birthday present."

"Dinner?" River's mouth dropped open; she stared at him in astonishment.

After a few second Jayne waved a hand in front of her face, "you havin' an episode girl?"

River jumped and flushed, "Do, id's just," she swallowed, "Dinner would be lovely."

"Good cos ya gotta be ready ta leave by seven-thirty local time an I reckon ya gonna wanna pretty yerself up some." He squinted at her injuries, "much as ya can in that condition of course," He nodded at her, mounted the stairs himself and was gone, "I gotta take a shower, Mal got me cleaning the Septic Vac an' I ain't spendin' the evenin' smellin' of shit. See ya later."

River floated slowly down the stairs in a Jayne Cobb induced, seventh heaven haze that not even his unromantic words could dent. She stopped at the bottom for a minute or two, just enjoying the smile on her face even though it hurt.

Simon appeared his arm around Kaylee. "River, are you ok?" he touched her arm. River came down to earth with a bump, "Yes!" she squawked, "I'm wonderful!"

Simon looked after River a worried frown on his face, she really shouldn't be skipping like that with a facial injury, perhaps he should…

Simon caught sight of Kaylee's face. She was giving him the look. The, 'you break this date an' you'd better be comfy with celibacy buster' look. Simon shoved his concern for River in a box and turned the key on it.

River wasted fifteen minutes in her room because her brain simply would not shut up.

_Jayne is so beautiful, dinner, a walk! Kisses! Please kisses! _

_IwillbegoodandtalkinwordseverybodywillunderstandandnotteaseSimonorcallhima boobifonlyicanhavekisses. _

_Simon will hate it. _

_Big arms squeezing._

_Big hands, blush._

_Big everything, whole body blush._

_Mal will hate it._

_Everything got so big inside and out and I am so little, won't be like last time._

_JaynewillseemeandiwontwanttorunawayIwontIwontIwontIwont…_

River tried to pinch the bridge of her nose, trying to focus, to stop the carousel of ifs and buts and maybes that were making her dizzy. She couldn't cope with this, the normal fourteen, fifteen, sixteen year old girl that never was wanted to have starry eyes and scream happily ever after dreams in her brain.

Things that the nearly eighteen-year-old genius killer girl didn't really believe in. That girl just believed in the way her skin burned every time she got near Jayne.

She looked in her wardrobe and her eyes fell on 'the dress', the one she had borrowed from Inara a month ago for her abortive attempt to seduce Jayne. As always, the memory of the whole thing made her stomach flip flop sourly.

Inara had given it too her, saying the emerald green colour was all wrong for her and it didn't fit properly either. She'd helped River alter the dress to fit River's more athletic build and subtly convinced River to alter the cut a little to make it more appropriate for her age.

Part of River rebelled at wearing something that might remind both her and Jayne of their embarrassing encounter both on the streets of Persephone and in the cargo bay. Another part pointed out that since she and Inara hadn't had the chance to go clothes shopping yet it was the nicest thing she had.

She put it on; regardless of the outcome, Jayne had found her attractive in it, or at least not un-attractive. Maybe it would remind him.

River looked doubtfully at the small selection of make up Inara had given her. Inara was off the ship with the Captain and River didn't feel up to trying to cover her bruises without her assistance so she settled for some lip-gloss.

She spared a moment to curse fate that on the day that Jayne Cobb had finally asked her out, even if it was just as a birthday treat, she had strapping on her face and two black eyes.

And cotton wool up her nose, she reminded herself. River rebelled; Simon could give her a hard time later. She removed the cotton wool.

Promptly at half seven she presented herself in the cargo bay.

Jayne was waiting for her clutching a box, he shoved it at her, "here girly, that's the other part of ya birthday present, thought ya could wear it."

River took a second to revel in the moment before falling on the box like a hungry hyena on a spare zebra leg. Inside was a beautiful, fluffy, scarlet, button up sweater. It was wonderful.

"Oh, Dayne…" she breathed in awe; she wanted to kiss him and the thought made her blush.

"Well try it on girl, I din't get it just fer ya ta cuddle."

River paused a moment, a scarlet sweater, however beautiful over an emerald green dress was not a good idea. However, Jayne was looking at her all hopeful and he'd finally done something right. She slipped her arms into the soft wool it was perfect.

Jayne squinted at the result, "That don't look half bad, I guess. I ain't up on what ladies are 'posed ta wear."

River was just about to explain that she must change her dress for something that toned better with the sweater when the association of ideas made her notice what Jayne was wearing.

He was in a grubby pair of combats and an obviously sweaty sleeveless t-shirt.

As a rule River had no problems with Jayne in a sleeveless t-shirt, had she been Captain she would have insisted that all his t-shirts were sleeveless, assuming that she didn't make it a rule for him to remain shirtless at all times.

However, he did not appear to be dressed for their date.

"Arned dou doing do change?"

It took a moment for Jayne to translate that, "Huh? Naw, I gotta stay on the ship cos everyone else dun gone inta town. I get liberty in the mornin' though, got me a red hot filly lined up too."

River's mouth dropped open, before she could find the words to ask him how he was going to take her on a birthday dinner date if he had to stay on board there was a tap on the cargo bay door hatch.

Jayne stepped over and opened it.

A desperately handsome young man stood on the other side wearing a nice if off the peg suit.

"Mr Cobb, I understand you need an escort to dinner?"

"Yep," Jayne grabbed River's wrist, "Here's ya date, sorry about the bandages and the shiners," he looked at River doubtfully, "she's kinda pretty mosta the time. N' remember, no getting' fresh less she say's it's ok, they promised they'd send a gentleman." He patted River on the shoulder and bent down to whisper in her ear.

"It's all paid fer, I know ya said ya weren't ready fer sexin' so if it's all ya want he'll just take ya ta dinner. Reckoned ya could practice stuff on him, datin' stuff and if ya like him," he winked, looking pleased with himself, "then just go right ahead, they know me real well an' they'll send me the bill." He hustled her out of the hatch and closed it behind her.

River stood on the other side of the hatch with two black eyes, strapping on her nose, wearing a scarlet sweater clashing horribly with the emerald green dress (that Jayne had shown absolutely no sign of recognising), looking at a young man who was quite obviously a whore paid to take her out for the evening.

The young man looked a little non-plused as well. "Um," he said, "You're my date?"

River rolled her eyes; Jayne could have at least specified someone with a brain.

"Des."

"Oh, I think there has been a misunderstanding."

River picked up bits and pieces from the man's mind and fought down the giggles. He was hoping that she wouldn't want him for more than dinner.

He didn't service women; the woman (new to the job) who took the order for a male whore to be at _Serenity_ at half past seven dressed for dinner had assumed he was for Jayne. He could manage, but he wasn't exactly keen.

The giggles won, she started to laugh, but that hurt so she stopped and took him by the arm, "Do nod worry, I dond wand sex, how did Dayne 'ean to pay for de dood?"

The man went through the same translation process that Jayne had struggled with earlier. His face cleared and he gave River a relieved smile. "The bill is to be sent to him, it's quite a nice restaurant, not too expensive, but nice."

"Dood, led's go eat a 'eally bid dinner."

She was half way down the street when something occurred to her.

"Dayne thinks I'm preddy!" she squealed.

* * *


	5. My heart is too much in control

**Rating - PG**  
**Type** - Mostly Marsmallow fluff/silliness with a bit of angstyness in this one.  
**Pairing** - Pre River and Jayne  
**Word count** - 2833  
**Disclaimer** - Not mine, not paid, please don't sue.  
**Warnings** - None needed that I can see  
**Spoilers** - None

Usual huge thanks to Ceslas for the betaing, any remaining cock ups as usual are mine all mine. There is stuff going on with Zoe that will intrude from time to time in this series because of something that seemed like a good idea in part two.

* * *

My heart is too much in control, the lack of romance in my soul…

Maurice, as it turned out the whore's name was, delivered a very drunk River with ho sin sauce and noodles down her front, back to _Serenity_ in a rickshaw.

Jayne was hanging around the cargo bay waiting for her, grinning lecherously.

"D'ya get any?"

River glared at him woozily, she swung at him with all her might intending to break his nose, just for the symmetry of the thing. Sadly, her motor functions were too impaired by the substantial quantity of third class fizzy wine in her system mixing with the painkillers Simon had given her.

She weakly punched air, spun round and collapsed into Jayne's arms, passing out instantaneously.

Jayne frowned down at her inanimate form, "Were ya tryin' ta dance with me or sumthin'?"

Rick Plummer checked the security screen beside his bed before getting up to open the door. People who came knocking at two in the morning were not generally kindly disposed. Once he saw who it was he almost ran to open up, stopping just long enough to pick up a gun. It wasn't likely that a thief would dress up as Zoë to rob him, but he wasn't taking any chances.

When he opened the door Zoë took a step back to look him up and down.

"Was a time when you used to sleep fully dressed, wearin' your pack, covered in mud an' cuddling your gun." She took a good look at his purple pyjamas, noting the gold pinstripe. "Seems that's changed."

Rick hopped from foot to foot trying to stop the cold floor from freezing his feet. "Lots of things have changed Zoë," he replied crossly, "you used to be smart enough not to go wandering around a place like this at two in the morning on your own, however tough you are. Come in for Christ's sake, it's cold."

It wasn't until she fell across the doorstep and into his arms that Rick realised that she was drunk.

After dinner and a short theatre performance Kaylee led Simon in the direction of a Cortex screen, punched in the numbers for _Serenity_ and pushed him in front of it.

Simon looked at her in wonder, "I don't deserve you."

"Don't you worry none Dr. Tam," Kaylee said, her voice as full of smiles as her face, "by the time I get finished wid ya, you're gonna be deservin' everythin' ya get."

The Cortex screen crackled to life and a tired and grumpy looking Jayne came into view.

"Sorry Jayne, just checking in on River."

"Saw her go ta bed not half an hour ago, ain't a thing wrong wid her a good night's sleep ain't gonna cure so can I get back to mine?"

"That's fine Jayne, sorry to wake you."

Jayne grunted and the screen went dark.

"See," said Kaylee, beaming "Everything's shiny, now ain't there a hotel room with a big bed an' a bath we gotta get too?"

Simon offered her his arm, "Yes Miss Kaylee, there is."

Mal was trying not to enjoy himself too much. Yes, Inara had consented to meet with his potential customer, but he wasn't going to read anything into it. The client and his wife were impressed that a rough around the edges transport Captain had turned up with a Registered Companion on his arm. As a result prospects were good for a profitable cargo to carry to Persephone. That and a comfortable amount of sake in his belly made him at peace with the 'Verse in general and the woman by his side in particular.

They'd had a pleasant dinner and now they were having a pleasant walk back through the streets towards _Serenity_.

Mal wasn't sure where he stood with Inara, but she was still on the ship. She'd arranged for some of her possessions to be shipped out to meet _Serenity _and the shuttle looked close to what it had when she'd been a permanent resident. If she took any clients Mal hadn't seen them.

What this might mean he didn't know and he hadn't got up the nerve to ask. But right at this moment things were good. He looked around the night streets, breathing in the cold air and found himself content. Except, what was going on over there?

"Mal, I …" began Inara.

Mal wasn't listening, "What the…" he snapped, shaking Inara's hand from his arm and starting forward. He was sure he'd just seen Zoë falling into Rick Plummer's arms on the doorstep of Londinium Guns and Ammo.

"Gorramn it! What's Zoë doin'…" by the time he reached the shop the door was firmly shut and Zoë was inside.

He was about to start hammering when Inara took hold of his wrist gently, but firmly.

"What are you doing Mal?"

Mal pointed at the door, "T-That was Zoë, in the arms of Rick Plummer."

"And?" asked Inara gently.

"What's she doing throwin' herself at him? That ain't sensible, the man's as close to sly as makes no difference and she ain't been a widow that long."

Inara frowned at him. "Why do you automatically assume she has gone to him for sex. Perhaps she has gone to him for comfort."

"She don't want comfort, you said it yerself you've tried, Kaylee tried, even River tried an she just looked at y'all blank and walked away."

"That doesn't mean she doesn't want comfort Mal, it just means she doesn't want it from us. Perhaps Rick is distant enough from her troubles for her to feel comfortable going to him. He went through the war with you; you and Zoë are an example of the strength of that type of bond."

"But…" Mal looked at the door his jaw working, fighting the illogical urge to kick his way in and drag his First Mate out of there.

Inara rolled her eyes and took his arm, "Come on Mal, let's go back to the ship." She had to tug at him a few times before he consented to put one foot in front of the other.

Mal frowned all the way back and when they got to _Serenity _he banged on the hatch for Jayne to open up and stepped inside grunting absently to Jayne and coming to a halt just over the step.

Inara took a deep breath; she needed to talk to him, even if he was in the middle of some self-induced feedback loop.

"Mal," she began, "Can I…"

"Huh?" Mal seemed to drag himself halfway back from a long distance, "Oh, yeah 'Nara, thanks for comin' to the dinner, I'll see ya in the morning." He nodded absently and went up the cargo bay stairs three at a time.

"I give _up_!" Inara glared after him.

"Hell I would, damn man's got his head rammed so hard up his pigu it's a gorramn miracle he can sit down." Observed Jayne, "Now if it was me you was pining fer, it wouldn't take more than a wave of yer pretty pinkie and I'd be there." He leered at her.

Inara opened and closed her mouth at Jayne; she badly, badly wanted to tell him that Mal wasn't the only man with that particular problem.

Unfortunately that would come perilously close to revealing River's feelings. Inara had not only promised not to but she was deeply grateful for Jayne's ignorance. It might be ignoble to hope that River's infatuation was something that she would grow out of, but she couldn't help it.

The object of River's affections continued to leer at her, just because she was there. She shook her head and resisted the unladylike urge to kick him.

"Goodnight Jayne," she said with dignity and glided gracefully in the direction of her shuttle.

8888888

Jayne stomped grumpily into the passenger dorms, thankful that the Captain and Inara had gone to bed so that he could get back to River. The girl was so drunk when he put her to bed she didn't even wake when he pulled the sweater off her. Jayne was sort of thankful the Doc was due to be out all night, he figured he could crash on the Doc's bed and if crazy started hurling in her sleep or something at least he'd be to hand.

Being nice seemed to be a whole lot more work than he'd planned for.

He'd already had to dump her sweater in the wash. Who would have thought a Core bred near enough eighteen year old couldn't eat better than a toddler.

On the way to the Doctor's bunk something occurred to him; he backtracked to pick up a bucket, a glass of water and some painkillers.

* * *


	6. Will turn you grey kid, so stay away kid

**Rating - PG**  
**Type** - Mostly Marsmallow fluff/silliness with a bit of angstyness in this one.  
**Pairing** - Pre River and Jayne  
**Word count** - 2833  
**Disclaimer** - Not mine, not paid, please don't sue.  
**Warnings** - None needed that I can see  
**Spoilers** - None 

Usual huge thanks to Ceslas for the betaing, any remaining cock ups as usual are mine all mine. There is stuff going on with Zoe that will intrude from time to time in this series because of something that seemed like a good idea in part two

* * *

Will turn you grey, kid, so stay away, kid… 

River woke up in her dress but minus the scarlet sweater, which was nowhere to be seen.

She closed her eyes with a groan and rolled over. The movement caused her eyes to fly open and her hand to slap to her mouth. River spotted the bucket beside her bed and took full advantage of it.

She was also deeply thankful for the pint of water and painkillers she found on her bedside cabinet.

An hour later, she walked unsteadily to the galley in search of more fluids and possibly a gun to shoot herself with.

It was somewhere about seven in the morning and the ship was quiet. Apparently, the rest of the crew was still in town or sleeping off their own revelries.

She found Jayne Cobb in the galley, cooking something that both smelled good and made her abused stomach roll like a boat in a gale.

Jayne looked her over critically, "Guess ya had a real good time then?"

River gave him a 'drop dead' look and sank unsteadily into a chair.

Jayne shrugged; he paused long enough to dump another glass of water in front of her before going back to his cooking.

A couple of minutes later he dropped a large plate of pancakes on the table and dug in.

River watched him eat for a moment, the pancakes had to be good; he was shovelling them in fast enough. Jayne caught her watching, he waved a fork full in her direction, "Ya want some?"

River looked uncertainly at the food hovering an inch or two from her lips, she definitely felt empty.

"I am uncertain, my digestive system was overloaded by alcohol, will the food stay where it is put?"

"If I make 'em plain they might." He got up, "Hey!" he said surprised, "Ya got yer voice back proper!"

"Des, I mean, yes, the stuffiness has improved, the limited amount of medication that Simon was willing to give me has started to work." River thought about food for a moment, "Bland food is the key to improving my condition?"

"Maybe, does yer belly tell ya yer hungry?"

"The food looks appealing."

"Then I'll make ya some, extra Birthday present."

River winced, "I trust that these will turn out better than your previous attempts."

Jayne paused in the act of filling a jug full of water. He looked hurt.

"Ya sayin' ya din't have a good time."

River looked at him and felt bad.

"The restaurant was very nice and Maurice was very attentive and I loved my sweater."

"He was very attentive huh, does that mean ya got any?" Jayne waggled his eyebrows "I did ask ya last night but ya passed out on me.".

River winced in embarrassment. "No."

"Oh." Jayne looked crestfallen "I know ya said yer weren't ready but I thought ya might have changed yer mind."

"He was not my type."

"Damn, sorry girl, I din't have much time ta fix thin's what wid ya getting' yer beak busted an' all," He tipped some dried milk into the water, "Funny how folks have a type, don't think I got one. Warm n' willing pretty much cover's ma needs." He paused in his stirring, "None to old though, needs some stamina ta keep up wid me when I get goin'." He waggled an eyebrow at her again. He picked up the packet of pancake mix and turned towards her leaning against the worktop. "Now the filly I got waitin' fer me today, she's got more n' enough stamina fer me, n she does this thing…"

"No!" shrieked River, slapping her hands over her ears.

Jayne jumped, his hands tugging at the foil packed yanked a little too hard.

It didn't just open, it exploded.

All over River.

Mostly her hair.

"Aw crap girlie, I din't, sorry… I ain't…"

River opened her eyes, closed out of instinct when the cloud of mostly flour hurtled towards her. There was flour in her eyelashes.

She got up from the table, "It does not matter," she said steadily, "I am going to have a shower."

When she got to the shower room she looked in the mirror. Her hair was full of flour and she wondered if this was how she would look as an old and probably, with the way things were going, maiden lady.

* * *


	7. Forget my shoulders when you're in need

**Rating - PG**  
**Type** - Mostly Marsmallow fluff/silliness with a bit of angstyness in this one.  
**Pairing** - Pre River and Jayne  
**Word count** - 2833  
**Disclaimer** - Not mine, not paid, please don't sue.  
**Warnings** - None needed that I can see  
**Spoilers** - None

Usual huge thanks to Ceslas for the betaing, any remaining cock ups as usual are mine all mine. There is stuff going on with Zoe that will intrude from time to time in this series because of something that seemed like a good idea in part two.

* * *

Forget my shoulder when you're in need…

Jayne cleaned up the galley and finished his pancakes because Cobb's don't waste food. Even when all of sudden it didn't taste that good. Every time he got things comfy with the girl, something stuffed it up.

He had a couple of hours before his appointment with Trudie so he wandered aimlessly down into the empty cargo bay, looked at his weights for a while, but didn't do anything with them.

Someone banged on the hatch.

There was a girl on the outside with a note for him from the cathouse; inside he found his bills for Maurice, the dinner and Maurice's dry cleaning.

He looked at the total.

He looked at the total again.

He got mad.

He spun around and opened his mouth to bellow Crazy! But she was there, on the catwalk, looking at him with saucer eyes and a hand to her mouth, her hair all wet and that fluffy bag with the kitten picture clutched to her chest.

She stood there like a rabbit caught in the mulelights as he took the stairs three at a time and barrelled towards her with murder in his face.

"Jayne I…"

Jayne cut her off, hissing at her, the words like slaps to the face.

"Don't hafta tell ya what ya done, do I, can see it in yer crazy face. I bin lookin' forward ta Trudie ever since I heard this was where we were comin'. Girl cleared her day fer me."

River could feel his desire to shake her until her teeth rattled billowing through his head like a red cloud. His hands balled at his sides, knuckles going white as he held himself back.

"B-but we just got paid again," stammered River, "can't you?" she saw the answer in his head as clear as if it was written up in the air. To pay for Trudie now he'd have to cut down on what he sent to his mother. There was no way in this 'Verse that that was going to happen. She could see it like it was an immovable rock in the centre of his mind. Cobb's first, fun second.

"Four bottles of some pissant wine, whaddya do? Wash in it? Six main dishes, four sides, an two desserts. Seems most of it musta gone down the whore's suit cos what they're chargin' me to dry clean it could pay for a new one."

"You didn't say, you didn't give a limit."

Jayne's body tensed and the cloud in his head went black and sharp, River flinched away but he just rocked on the balls of his feet, a muscle working in his jaw. When he spoke he had to force the words through his teeth. She felt each one hit her mind like a bullet in the brainpan.

"I din't reckon on ya eatin' and drinkin more than ya do in a week in one sittin'!"

"I…" River tried to speak but the impossibility of explaining herself knotted her mind and she started to cry. Her hands came up, wanting to touch him, to bawl on his chest like a child until he forgave her.

He stepped back sharply.

"Get away from me girl, all I wanted was ta get along cos I'm stuck wid ya bein' here. Just wanted ya ta stop bein' mad at me fer every little thing so as ya wouldn't tell them all about what happened in the cargo bay that time. But d'ya know what, I don't give a cuss if ya do. If I get thrown off It'll be worth it ta not have ta see yer crazy face again."

"J-Jayne p-please…" she sobbed.

He sneered at her, turned on his heel and walked away.

"Go cry on yer brother's shoulder," he snarled at her, "it's what he's there for."

* * *


	8. Sing another song dang it

Usual huge thanks to Ceslas for the betaing, any remaining cock ups as usual are mine all mine. There is stuff going on with Zoë that will intrude from time to time in this series because of something that seemed like a good idea in part two.

Sing another song dang it

Paquin was a 24/7 place. At close to nine in the morning the streets were not exactly thronging but there were people out. The street entertainers were looking to take advantage of that.

A juggler tried to entertain Jayne. He was shoved on his ass, his balls going every which way.

There might have been repercussions but Jayne wasn't staying around to find out. He barrelled onwards, through the streets his grim expression a warning for wiser street entertainers.

The Lacy Garter wasn't a cathouse as such; the place belonged to four veterans of the night, three girls and a man. There was a saloon where a customer could get a drink while he or she was waiting, a motherly receptionist cum bartender named Morag and two heavies, Nigel and Juan who took shifts in hanging around looking intimidating.

Jayne looked up at the sign swinging in the breeze; it was a pretty picture of a curvy lady, her foot on a stool adjusting the source of the place's name. Since the district was nominally respectable, she was otherwise covered in some kind of frilly, pink wrap that Kaylee would have cooed over.

It wasn't cheapest place in the town, but because there was no madam, it wasn't the most expensive either.

Trudie and Jayne had a history dating back to his early years in the black and her first years at a fleapit of a cathouse. They'd got comfortable with each other. Trudie joked that his repeated custom had given her most of the cashy money to buy herself out of that hellhole.

Jayne thought it was somewhere around nine thirty in the morning. All the curtains of the house were shut; he'd hardly expect anyone to be up this early because he'd had Trudie booked from the start of business, eleven am.

He slouched around the corner and found the only open bar. It was a respectable place, so the best he could get was a cup of overpriced coffee. He got one to go, found himself a wall to prop up, lit an evil smelling cigar and settled down to wait.

His temper had wound down into a sullen simmer. He couldn't figure how he let himself get into this dumb assed situation, running around trying to make the girl like him. Well not like him exactly, just not be a threat to what Jayne wanted. That just made him madder; Jayne Cobb didn't get attached to a place or people. He went where the money was.

Of course Zoë would be dead if he hadn't been there. He wondered how many times he'd stopped them _all_ getting dead?

But that wasn't his problem, they'd survived when he wasn't there and they'd do it again, especially now they had little miss Xi yīng xióng nǚ rén wú! wēi xiǎo gū niang.

What was irritating Jayne even more was bullfrogs, ever time he got a good head of mad going his mind kept giving him a picture of a sad eyed bullfrog looking up at him. What the hell was that all about?

8888

River felt encased in ice. The warm, fluffy pink cloud of her feelings for Jayne had evaporated. Like a super computer when someone finally remembered to turn the air conditioners on, her brain started to work at full efficiency. Processing, remembering, processing, remembering, processing. Slotting pieces together, analysing with a clinical eye.

_"It's a girl. Cute, too, but I don't think she's all there. 'Course, not all of her has to be..."_ Terrifying and exciting, not then, then it was just terrifying. The excitement came when she looked back on it. He saw a girl; she came to want to be a girl so badly.

The fascination frightening her, thinking it was some horrible planted instinct she saw the sign on his chest and tried to cut it away.

_"I'm a show her good an' all I got man parts,"_ Goosebumps and a lurch of her stomach even through the scorn, he was such an ape!

Looking up into the belly of _Serenity_ and seeing him in a halo of light, a hero come to smite the godly.

Stealing bread off his plate, _Notice me! I'm a girl!_

No soft, hot thoughts about her. Left out in the cold, pushed away by the curve of Zoë's ass, the soft weight of Kaylee's breasts and Inara's everything. Just an irritating pile of nothing useful on two legs.

She got in the way at Nandi's place, fascinated by the process of birth, but also trying not to think or hear what Jayne was doing. Feeling his hands on Helen's hips and the thrust…

After Miranda the animals went into the ark two by two. Zoë's mate there still, even if Wash was non corporeal. Inara and Mal part of a couple even if they hadn't taken the steps. Simon and Kaylee new and fresh and sparkling. River feeling separate and alone, her mind not a constant, boiling soup of every thought and impulse for the first time since boys had barely stopped being annoying and become something of interest.

Jayne was the polar opposite of everything she would have had if her life had been left alone. Simple and direct when everyone else was psychedelic fog. Past and future, wanting to but not. Jayne was binary code, yes or no while everyone else was some esoteric joke language with no instructions or manual.

She frowned, except Jayne's neat and uncluttered mind wasn't like that anymore. Gradually there was more and more fog and colours were starting to intrude. River didn't pry, because now she had at least some choice, but things came to her. When Jayne came to her now it was like a slew of disconnected words shouted all at once and she couldn't make sense of it.

Except when he was on the job, or mad, especially when he was mad.

She shook herself and made order out of chaos. Theoretically, available physically attractive male according to societal and biological norms plus frightened, damaged girl woman with stunted social development. Factor in girl's extreme intelligence, consequent isolation from her peers, unsatisfactory parental male role model replaced by brother, giving relationships with males of a of a suitable age (as perceived by society) an incestuous overtone.

Oh.

8888

At half past ten, someone drew the blinds at the Lacy Garter. Jayne pushed himself upright, stomped over to the door and hammered on it.

Morag opened up looking irritated, an impassive Juan hovering in the background.

"Jayne Cobb! Ain't ya got nuthin' better ta do than make a body jump like that?"

Bad temper or not Jayne kissed the woman heartily on the cheek, "Gotta speak ta Trudie, Mog, got a problem."

"You ain't cancellin' on the girl are ya? I just bin lacin' her into a new corset." Mog grinned toothily at him, "She likes testin' stuff on ya, says yer the most appreciative audience she gets."

"Just let me up there Mog,"

Morag sighed, "Alright, but I got the feelin' she ain't gonna be pleased."

8888

Reparation needed to be made; this situation was not of his making. River scrabbled in a drawer and found the money she had saved to buy clothes, shrugged herself into a jacket and ran off the ship.

8888

When Trudie yelled 'come in.' Jayne opened the door to a sight that had him wanting to ring River's neck.

The woman was wearing a purple satin corset, the thing made her waist so tiny he could span it with his hands. Trudie's substantial breasts were pushed up high, he could have balanced a tray on the shelf they made and she had stockings on, genuine milky flesh above, just waiting to be played with stockings.

Jayne tried to strangle a growl, part mad, part starving man presented with a steak dinner.

Trudie gave him a startled look over her shoulder followed by a welcoming grin.

"Ain't you a sight fer sore eyes, an' your early, I like a man when he's keen."

It nearly killed Jayne to hold her off as she wiggled towards him.

Trudie frowned, "What's the problem? I'd kinda be expectin' ta be on ma back about now."

"Trudie, can't tell ya how sorry I am but there's a problem."

"Oh no," she folded her arms and gave him a look, "this better be good."

"Sumthin' came up an' it cost a lot more n' I was expectin' an' I can't pay ya what we agreed."

"Mighty decent of ya to tell me upfront Jayne." She frowned at him, irritably. "Damn, having you is damn near a holiday ta me, plus I ain't gonna get the business at short notice."

Jayne plopped down on the bed and drew Trudie with him onto his lap, taking a good, long wistful look at her cleavage in the process.

"Can't be sorrier than me Trudie," he dropped a kiss on the considerable swell of each breast. "I might'a run out on the bill in other places but I ain't gonna do that ta ya."

Trudie snorted, "Don't try an' pull the big, bad man act with me Jayne Cobb, you ain't ever stiffed a girl on the bill in your sorry life, you ain't got it in you."

Jayne looked faintly offended, "I ain't seen ya followin' me all around the verse girl, so how would you know?"

Trudie took his head in her hands and kissed his forehead affectionately, "I know ya, ya dumb Ox. So, not a penny ta ya name?"

"Naw, I got some, but it ain't but a third of what we agreed."

Trudie snuck her mouth around to his ear and gave it a nuzzle that had Jayne's hands tightening painfully around her waist. "We'll call it a deposit, you'll pay me the rest when you next hit this rock."

Jayne groaned, "Ya can't know that girl, might just take the sexin' and never come this way again."

Trudie sniggered at the unintentional double entendre, "Yeah ya will, an' pay me to." She moved her mouth down his neck, "I'm knowin' ya Jayne Cobb, better man n' ya know yerself."

"Huh," grunted Jayne, stroking her satin covered waist "Got me all figured out woman?"

Trudie's fingers tiptoed down his neck searching for buttons to undo. When she found the neck of a t-shirt she looked down in surprise.

"Where's ya good shirt?"

"Din't have time ta change," replied Jayne, apologetically.

Trudie pulled the neck of his t-shirt away from his body and stuck her nose in for a sniff, recoiling slightly with a wrinkled nose.

"I ever get ta meet this Captain of yourn I'm gonna give him such a smack. Damn near ever time ya come ta me ya stink like ya been paddlin' in a cess pit."

Jayne gave himself a sniff, "Can't smell nuthin', an' septic vac were yesterday, had me a shower n' everythin'."

"Maybe ya can't cos ya used to it, we got time," Trudie slid off his lap and stuck her hands on her considerable hips, "yer havin' a bath Jayne Cobb."

888

River arrived a little out of breath at the Lacy Garter, thankful that the name of the place had been so clear in Jayne's head. She took a deep breath and opened up her mind, focusing, so the ever present background jumble coalesced into something she could understand. The experience was like peeling an onion, or rather it wasn't, but that was the best way she had of explaining it. First the dull murmur of the people around her, street vendors, locals and tourists. A man was about to buy a dubious gold plate Buddha, to part with twice its worth and River wanted to shout no! But she was busy.

Another layer off and the people on the street got louder and underneath them came the people in the houses near by. Breakfast, oatmeal and bacon. A baby cross, but not yet crying, his nappy wet. A woman called Mog, cussing because someone had spilled wine on a sofa and covered it with a cushion. A big impassive man, inside the head and out, checking the sports results.

Another layer peeled away and she found Jayne, not angry, not disappointed, not (she was thankful, because though she was about to enable him she didn't want to feel that) in the throes of passion, just content. River felt the lap of hot water against her skin, fingers rubbing soap into her hair and a half-decent cigar between her fingers. Trudie was obviously a kind hearted woman, but River knew Jayne would be happier if he could pay.

She pulled away, reassembled the onion layers, which was a much harder and more uncomfortable process and tapped nervously on the door.


	9. Splish, Splash I was takin' a bath

Authors note: Usual huge thanks to for the betaing, any remaining cock ups as usual are mine all mine. There is stuff going on with Zoë that will intrude from time to time in this series because of something that seemed like a good idea in part two. This is the point at which I gave up on the prompt table and my nicely planned out plot went all to hell.

* * *

Splish, Splash I was taking a Bath (For the sake of calling it something)

Trudie's finger's were in his hair, massaging in plain soap she'd dug out from somewhere. Everything she had smelled like a flower garden and Jayne might get with the idea of smelling clean but he wasn't "gonna smell of posies for no one."

Trudie started to work suds into his shoulders, "So, ya gonna tell me what happened ta put such a dent in yer whorin' money? Ain't never knowed ya ta let go of that fer no-one."

Jayne made a humphing noise, but at that moment he'd lost most of his temper. The world was wet and warm with the promise of more and better to come.

He removed his cigar from his mouth and sighed, "There's a girl on the ship, kinda was crazy, kinda still is an' we had somethin' of a misunderstandin' a whiles back. Everyone thinks of her like a delicate flower that's gotta be protected, but she ain't. Anyways, she got riled with me over sumthin' else an' I din't want her bitchin' ta the captain, so I brought her dinner with some whore from Jolly's place ta try and get her ta leave me be." Jayne's irritation resurfaced and he slewed around in the tub to look at Trudie. "Damn girl ate enough to choke a pig an' she musta had a food fight with the whore cos I got his dry cleaning bill and it damn near cleaned me out."

Trudie sat back on her heels frowning, "Well that's a plain spiteful thing to do to a man. Don't she know we get most of our food from off planet?"

"She's Core bred, so mebbe not," Jayne shrugged, "the prices were up fer all ta see, I checked when I was lookin' fer a place."

Trudie was still frowning at him, "Why'd she do it?"

"Hell if I know," replied Jayne irritably, "ain't got a clue what goes on in a regular woman's head, never mind _feng li_ girls." Jayne couldn't help the smirk that snuck onto his face, "Cept' when it comes ta sexin' that is. Then I reckon I got it all figured out."

Trudie swatted him absently on the ear, mind elsewhere.

"Ya got me curious now. Reckon yer gonna have ta tell me the whole tale."

"Aw come on Trudie, I'm good an' clean an now I wanna get dirty." He made a grab for her and she wiggled out of reach.

"You ain't getting water all over these new duds so hold ya guns cowboy. We got all day, so tell me."

Jayne sunk down into the water with a sulky face and proceeded to tell Trudie all about it, starting from the day he went looking for company on the streets of Persephone.

* * *

River, walking home at a far slower pace than when she went out found herself passing through the arcade where Old England Guns and Ammo was situated. She had a small amount of money left over; the figure had been clear in Jayne's head so she knew exactly what to give him. There was no way she could afford a gun, but the money in her pocket made her feel like a legitimate shopper. Anyway, she liked Rick; anything that distracted her from thinking about Jayne's probable activities was a bonus. She might have reached certain conclusions about her feelings for him, but they were still feelings.

* * *

Trudie frowned her way through the whole story, except in the places where she laughed. Jayne was a bit offended about that, but this was Trudie and she knew a lot about him so he told her everything. Including the bullfrog thing, because that was worrying him, he'd started to think that crazy might just be catching.

* * *

Rick was behind the counter again.

"Hello River, 'ow are yew today?"

River paused, an itch of familiarity tickled through her mind, "I've 'ad be'er days, Zoë is 'ere?"

"Yeah, arrived in da middle ov da night rats (Drunk). She's in my spare room, 'asn't stirred since I an' allk 'er daisy roots (Boots) off." Rick got up from his stool, "You wanna cupp'a rosie?"

A troubled jumble of dreams flickered on the edge of River's consciousness. "Yes please, one sugar."

* * *

It took Jayne a while to figure out the bullfrog thing, but it came to him when Trudie practically collapsed in giggles at the end of his tale of woe, making parts of her shake like a jelly. If she hadn't been laughing at him, he'd have enjoyed the show.

"Oh hah de hah hah. Glad I made ya day Trudie."

"You have at that ya big lug, ain't ya got it?" Jayne looked at her mystified, "The girl's gotta crush on ya is all."

Jayne's cigar dropped out of his nerveless fingers and hissed to extinction in the bathwater.

"She ain't!" he shot a horrified look at Trudie, "Crazy's catchin' I knew it. I'm gonna send our Doc along with a smoother for ya, soon as he's got me good and doped. Makes ya see little angels n' stuff." His brain flashed up the image of the bullfrog again.

"Aw crap."

8888

Inara was drinking tea in _Serenity's_ galley.

Mal stomped in, a miasma of foul temper riding along with him.

"Why is it I can't find any of my crew?"

* * *

Jayne had sisters. When he was about fifteen, not that long before he shipped off world, his sister Lizzie who was thirteen or fourteen at the time had a huge crush on the local Pastor. She fluttered her eyelashes at him, did stuff to get his attention, had arguments with Jayne's Ma on the subject of what dress she could wear to church and stuck to him like a burr on a pack mule every chance she got.

When the man got married, she snuck into his house and stuck a bullfrog in his bed. Ready for his new wife to find when she slipped between the sheets.

The man had brought the thing to Jayne's house the following morning in a box; it sat there looking up at Jayne from the kitchen table. The man was very kind about it; Lizzie went and locked herself in her bedroom for most of the day.

Young Jayne had been rather foxed by the whole thing, in the end he'd cornered his Ma and asked her what was going on.

"Near 'nough all girls go through it Jayne, kinda like practicing for fallin' in love properly. Weren't nuthin' ta worry about, Lizzie picked a decent man who weren't gonna take advantage, lotta girls ain't so lucky. She's gonna be embarrassed and cry a lot an' then she'll get over it."

It had all seemed kinda dumb to Jayne but his Ma knew pretty much everything there was to know about anything.

A lot of River's behaviour slotted into place.

There was a tap on the door.

"Come in," Trudie called out, Mog slid apologetically into the room. "Sorry ta disturb ya, but I got a note from Jayne's ship an' the cash he'd left behind."

Jayne looked at the money in Mog's hand confused, "But that ain't…"

Trudie took the money and smiled brightly at the woman who was shooting curious looks from Jayne to Trudie and back again, her nose twitching. "That's shiny Mog, Jayne was worryin' over that." As soon as Mog had reluctantly shut the door behind her Trudie passed Jayne the note.

Jayne read it. He erupted from the bath like a sudsy, pissed off sea god.

"_Feng li_ girls given me near 'nough all her savin's." Jayne practically jumped out of the bath and started pulling on his clothes regardless of being wringing wet. "Sorry Trudie, I gotta go sort this out."

Trudie took a regretful look at him. His t-shirt was rucked up, leaving a part of his chest and most of his belly on show. He was still, basically naked from the waist down as he tried to drag his pants over his wet legs. However ridiculous, he was a sight to make a red blooded woman's mouth water.

"Gorramn," she muttered. She held the money out to him.

Jayne took it, but dug in his own pocket for his own money and tried to give it to her. Trudie put her hands behind her back and shook her head.

"You don't owe me nuthin' Jayne. Go get yer girl." She nodded to the door.

"She ain't ma girl," growled Jayne, "don't go sayin' stuff like that. I just gotta find her an' give the money back. I get this sorted quick I can come back. An' I owe ya fer a bath if nuthin' else."

Trudie grinned and peeled a couple of small notes from the ones in his hand. She tucked them into her cleavage. "That'll do. I'll expect ya if I see ya."

Zoë woke up as River was sipping tea, she felt Zoë's thoughts with the familiar counterpoint of a thumping head.

The muzziness of a mind forgetful from sleep shattered and flew away, Zoe's anger hit River like a tornado, spinning around with the potential to wreck everything in it's path.

Mal spotted Kaylee and Simon as he stomped off the ship, walking home in a relaxed fashion arm in arm, both looking far too pleased with themselves.

"Glad to see you finally remembered where you belong. Kaylee I want you to mind the ship with 'Nara while I go get Zoë. Doc, you might wanna check all your sister's usual hiding places cos I can't find her an' neither can 'Nara."

Simon snapped out of his post-coital, happy fog.

"What!? Why didn't you call me?"

"Cos I only this minute found out 'an I got more important things to worry on. We got a meet for a new cargo in about five hours an' I want all my crew in place an' doin' their jobs. She ain't gonna go far, the girl's got a birthday tomorrow. Can't imagine even a genius girl is gonna miss out on cake and presents."

Jayne's clothes were sticking to him and his hair felt weird, he was pretty sure that he hadn't washed the soap out properly. He'd only just remembered to give Trudie a kiss (on the cheek) before he tore out of the Lacy Garter like a bat out of hell, only slightly delayed by tripping over Mog who'd been listening at Trudie's door.

He didn't want the girl, any girl crushing on him. A woman with a bit of experience, looking him over and deciding he was the man for some no strings attached fun, that was fine. There might have times in the past where a younger girl (not that young, at least he hoped not, because his Ma would kill him) had shown some interest and he'd taken advantage of that. But he never made promises and the fact he was gone in morning should have put a stop to any romantic dreams they might have had. Plus even the young ones had been women of some experience. Now that he knew that River had been crushing on him the whole incident in the cargo bay made a lot more sense because he wouldn't have normally touched her. Girl had been using wiles on him, playing on the fact he was horny. Innocents weren't appealing, even if they did haunt your dreams.

An innocent that, if his memory of Lizzie's behaviour was right, might be writing River Cobb or River Tam-Cobb all over stuff with little hearts. That was downright frightening.

If only the girl had a few more years on her and a fella or two under her belt then… because it wasn't like she was un-appealing in that way. What with her legs and her firm little body, big pretty eyes, soft tender mouth. Then there was the way she fought and moved, the way she teased her brother and Mal, the way she sat with him sometimes while he was cleaning his guns or lifting weights and just listened if he was talking. He'd been a bit surprised when River developed that habit, after a bit of wariness he'd had got to like it ,even if he couldn't quite figure why she was doing it. Well, now he knew.

It wasn't as if the idea of having someone warm in his bunk every night wasn't appealing. He'd have taken that Saffron bitch on simply because it was a long time between whores in the black and River was, well River was _River._ Actually, thinking about YoSaffBridge at the same time was an insult.

It didn't matter what River was, what mattered that she was too young and too fine, he was too old and too rough and even if he could get with her it seemed eventually she'd wake up from her crush and leave him in the dirt for someone better.

Jayne was going to see to it that all this crushing was gonna stop right now.

* * *


	10. You spin me right round, baby

With the usual huge thanks to Ceslas for the betaing and encouragement.

* * *

You spin me right round baby, right round...

Rick had been concerned; the sheer force of Zoë's emotions had River reeling. Steadily it became easier as the wave receded and settled into a dull, cold ache. River could feel it like a steady throb, deep in her bones playing in counterpoint to the niggling percussion of trying not to think about Jayne and what Jayne was doing.

Rick, after asking questions misdiagnosed her apparent dizziness as hunger. Real cheese sandwiches and cookies, or as Rick put it biscuits, made an appearance with more tea in chipped mugs. It was brick red and steaming. He dumped enough sugar in her mug to make a far more stable person hyperactive.

River waited, senses on the strain, but without actually being able to see she understood that Zoë was not getting out of bed anytime soon, that at that moment Zoë wasn't sure if she ever wanted to get out of bed again.

Rick chatted away and River was relieved to have the distraction, with one mental eye pointed in Zoë's direction she listened. She got to hear some stories about the war that Mal and Zoë had never told her and found out why Rick wasn't at Serenity Valley. A bullet shattered his knee three weeks before the battle. Luckily, when he got home, patched up in the most basic way his father had enough money to pay for a replacement. River had the pleasure of poking both his knees to feel the difference. Rick rolled his eyes and moaned, "Yeah baby, do that again," making her giggle.

That led to talking about his father, who he obviously loved dearly and his brothers (Michael and Sammy). That led to talking about the business and that led to Rick reading out figures from the Cortex screen while River made calculations on a portable pad.

After an intense few minutes (that Rick spent watching her make calculations at dizzying speeds in complete awe) River presented him with her results.

"Blood-y hell!"

River beamed in pride vibrating with barely contained excitement. For a second she forgot Zoë and even forgot Jayne. A whole sea of new possibilities had just opened up for her; she'd need Kaylee's help but… Her smile faltered and then crumbled. A decision had been made and had fallen down on her like a tsunami.

"Jericho's walls are still falling, Captain Daddy will be crushed." She burst into tears.

* * *

Simon walked thoughtfully into the engine room, "Kaylee, I can't find her."

Kaylee removed her head from the engine, "Maybe she just don't want to be found?"

"But she absolutely promised she would always let me know where she was even if she didn't come out."

Kaylee fiddled with a spanner absently, "Ya think she's gone off the ship?"

Simon took a deep calming breath, he had faithfully promised his sister not to get in an over-protective tizzy at the slightest thing, but this wasn't the 'slightest thing', so that was one agreement void. "I think she must have, I know she can take care of herself but," Simon waved his hands uncertainly in the air, "Mal wouldn't let her go off the ship on her own and was angry with Zoë for leaving her, so…"

"So ya wanna go look fer her?" Kaylee thought that Mal was well on the way to having Simon beat when it came to overprotective tizzies in respect of River, but she kept that to herself. The only way for Simon and Mal to learn was for River to spread her wings and not get hurt, that being said, if she talked him out of going and River was in trouble… "Go on then, ain't like me an' 'Nara can't cope for an hour or two."

"I'll be right back," he dashed out, immediately dashing back to kiss her, "wǒ ài nǐ wú yáng guāng,"

She grinned at him, "I know. Check the arcade where we were yesterday, she seemed ta take ta Rick, mebbee she's gone there."

* * *

Jayne made it back to the ship in record time, he tried Crazy's room, and he tried the galley, then barrelled through to the engine room. He found Kaylee there absently twiddling a spanner though her fingers with a thoughtful look on her face.

"Ya seen Moony anywhere?"

Kaylee jumped, "Naw, she ain't on the ship, least Simon can't find her, he's gone lookin' for her. Hey?" she frowned, "ain't ya supposed to be getting sexed right now and," she squinted in the general direction of his head, "whatcha done ta ya hair, it's all stickin' up," she peered closer, "ya look like ya got dandruff, real bad too."

Jayne scratched at his head in frustration, releasing a flurry of soap flakes, "It's soap," he could see Kaylee getting ready to ask him about that and he broke in, "did the Doc have an idea where she'd be?"

"Who, River? Not really," she put her head on one side, "why d'ya want her so bad?"

Jayne's harassed mind got the wrong end of that stick, "Don't want her at all," he said defensively, "what am I gonna want with a crazy, skinny assed, girl." His face went sour, "Prolly stick a man in his sleep ifen she got the chance."

Kaylee was staring at him, eyes getting steadily wider. "Ya want River." she breathed, awestruck at the idea, eyes nearly dropping out of her head.

Jayne gaped, weren't that just like a girl ta jump to plain wrong conclusions, "I din't say that! You been sniffin' that grease stuff that made ya see bunny rabbits that time?"

Kaylee was grinning at him and bouncing on the balls of her feet, "Yeah ya do, it's written all over ya, an I thought it was just her…" Kaylee faltered to a halt.

Jayne took a menacing step towards the little mechanic, "Just her huh, ya tellin' me you _knew_ 'bout this 'an ya din't tell me."

"Don't ya get snippy wid me Jayne Cobb," Kaylee snapped in a voice that sent Jayne straight back to his childhood, "can't say I _knew_, cos it ain't like she _told_ me. It's just," Kaylee's face softened, "I seen her look at ya couple of times, when you weren't lookin', like ya hung the moon or sumthin'. Reckon 'Nara thought so to cos I caught her watching when River 'ud talk to ya liftin' weights 'an such." She looked up at Jayne standing there his face all baffled, looking like he didn't have a clue which way to go. "Do ya Jayne? Do ya want little River?"

Jayne's baby blues were looking over the top of her head, as if he seeing something far away, he shook himself and plastered a scowl to his face, "Gorramnit Kaylee girl," he growled in frustration, "Me n' the girl hooking up is the dumbest idea in all creation."

* * *

Simon was lost, he'd taken a wrong turn somewhere and now he didn't have a clue where he was. He took a deep breath. One of the first pieces of advice he'd been given about navigating around the less civilised parts of the 'verse was don't ask for directions, "Unless you wanna get robbed and left fer dead in an alley," was the way Kaylee had put it. He looked around, trying to look casual; there was no sign of any Peacekeeping officers so his best bet was to retrace his steps. Repressing the urge to start yelling 'River!' at the top of his lungs he looked into a shop window for a moment before casually turning and going back the way he thought he had come.

* * *

Mal had been brooding all night, Zoë had gone to Rick. He, Mal was her Captain, and they'd been through a little thick and a whole lot of thin together. If she needed to go to anyone it should be to him. Except you haven't actually encouraged her to do so said a treacherous internal voice. He told that voice to shut the hell up.

He was about half way to Old England Guns and Ammo when a familiar figure accosted him.

"Why Captain Reynolds," it was the wife of the customer Mal had been to dinner with the night before; Mal plastered a fake smile to his face. He was damned if he wanted to be bothered by the woman right now but business was business.

"Why Mrs. Weaver, ain't this a pleasure."

"You must come and have coffee with my friends and me," cooed the woman, gesturing to a pair of rather raddled, over made up ladies dressed in the height of fashion. "Mirabelle here," the taller improbably blonde one nodded, "her husband is the chief importer of grain products from the outer planets and Su-lin," the smaller lady nodded, "she has five of the most exclusive clothing emporiums on the planet. Do join us; I'm sure we could put some business your way."

Mal nodded graciously with a dashing smile, "my only regret ladies is I ain't got three arms so I could give a one to each."

As they led him in the direction of a Coffee house, all of them tittering Mal pulled together his devil may care Captain Persona and reflected that you might be shot at more with crime, but gorramn if it weren't more fun.

* * *

Kaylee scoffed "You n' River would be dumber n' me n' Simon? I don't reckon so."

"Nuthin's dumber than the Doc," replied Jayne on principle, barely noticing when Kaylee smacked him on the arm. "Girl may have gone a bit moony over me but it ain't gonna last, what's she gonna want with a fella old 'nough ta be her Pa who can't even say half the words she uses never mind spell 'em or know what they mean."

"Don't reckon that has a thing ta do with nuthin'."

"Yeah," Jayne dragged his hands through his hair again, "it does, can't look at her like trim cos she's so young 'an we're stuck on the same ship. She's gonna want stuff I ain't sure I'm made fer…"

"What?"

"Bein' with a girl all serious like."

"Din't you try swap Vera fer Saffron?"

"Yeah, but that were…" Jayne didn't have the vocabulary to explain it, "That were business," he caught sight of Kaylee's horrified face, "Ain't like I wouldn't have treated her right, just she wouldn't have been lookin' ta me, fer, stuff." He finished lamely.

"Stuff?"

"Kissin' 'an hand holdin' 'an hell I dunno, poetry, all that stuff girls seem ta like."

"Ain't sure what River 'ud be lookin' fer, but," Kaylee carefully controlled herself, since the idea of Jayne spouting poetry was too gorramn funny for words, "I think she knows ya pretty well, don't reckon she'd expect nuthin' fancy." She laid a hand on his arm, "it ain't about the fancy stuff Jayne. If it is then it ain't real. If it were would ya want her?"

Jayne looked down at her his jaw working, "Ain't gonna matter a cuss if I did, girl's just gotta crush, I'd just be getting' used to stuff an' she's gonna wake up an' see what a mean ole huan dan I am an' that'd be that."

Kaylee frowned, "Well yeah, it could happen, but it ain't like there's ever any guarantees Jayne. Don'tcha think I don't worry that Simon's gonna meet some elegant Core bred woman and leave me in the dirt. Can't run away from stuff just cos ya might lose it."

"But my Ma told me a girl just gets a crush for practice, like it don't mean nuthin' an' Trudie tole me River's got a crush…" Jayne gave her a completely baffled look, "Aw hell, I don't get none of this."

"Crush can mean a lotta things, I reckon River just looks at ya an' her world turns inside out cos she don't know that ya feel anythin' for her. I oughtta know. Damn near a year I had ta wait on Simon, he was nice ta me an' all, most of the time n' when he weren't he din't mean it. He just had the whole 'verse on his shoulders, was like I was just too much for him to deal with at first."

"Still don't think I got it in me," stated Jayne flatly.

"Well answer me this, if ya got with River would ya hit her? Cheat on her? Be mean ta her? Would ya push her inta yer bed a'fore she was ready?"

Jayne gave her a dirty look, "Well you just got the best opinion of me aint'cha. Hell no, Ma 'ud walk across the 'verse ta tan my hide."

Kaylee tried to picture that. Jayne got a capture one day in one of his letters. He'd passed it around nearly glowing with pride. In the centre of a big tribe of Cobbs was a tiny bird like woman he pointed out as being his Ma surrounded by towering men and surprisingly tall women. Woman looked like a breeze would knock her down but apparently she'd had three boys and two girls and lost her husband when the youngest wasn't but a baby. Somehow the idea of her coming all that way to sort out her errant son wasn't that ridiculous. But that wasn't the point.

"Ain't sayin' she wouldn't, that ain't the point, if ya din't have yer Ma ta set ya straight would you do those things?"

Jayne's jaw set, "'Course not, ya settle with a girl ya settle, ya do it right. Why'd ya think I ain't done it before?"

"So, I'll ask ya again. Do ya want River?"

Kaylee's toolbox was huge; Jayne sat on it and dragged a hand down his face. "Hell if I know, seems River an' ya's all got it figured out, I ain't known about it but an hour. Mal n' Simon 'ud kill me anyways so it ain't like…" His head shot up and his face set hard. "Ain't that just like a girl, got me tied inter knots." He jumped up, "I'm gonna find that Moonbrain an' set her straight about a few things."

Kaylee sighed, "Reckon ya need to look in the arcade, figured she mighta gone to Rick's Place. She seemed ta take ta him." She gave him a sly look, "Go on Jayne," she nodded to the door, "go find yer girl."

"Gorramn it!" Jayne bellowed making Kaylee jump, he punctuated his words with finger jabs, "fer the second time today I'm sayin'. She!" jab, "Ain't!" jab, "Ma!" jab, "Girl!"

Kaylee crossed her arms and gave him her best 'You don't scare me' look. "That's because you're a big dumb fraidy cat Jayne Cobb."

* * *

wǒ ài nǐ wú yáng guāng I love you sunshine 


	11. A'int we bin here a'fore?

**Character/Pairing: **Jayne and River (Pre Rayne)  
**Prompt**: None, the prompt table is dead. I borrowed Vera and shot it.  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own nuthin', din't get paid, suing would be pointless  
**Warnings**: Less fluff, more angst.

Huge thanks as usual to the great and wonderful Ceslas for the beta and for holding my hand and patting me gently when I got all glum. There have been some minor edits since so any cock ups are mine all mine.

**Authors** **Notes**: This story started with a lovely, neat, planned out plot that I dumped because it just wasn't _right_. I am writing the next instalment now. It is supposed to be Rayne but I'm not guaranteeing it. The thing I've learnt from writing this, my first series is you can't force it when one of the characters is squatting in your head going _"Nope, ain't doin' it."_ So,this is the "sucks the least" version of this part. Just don't shoot me. Please? In theory there is more to come though there may be a delay while I write it and then re-write it, re-write it again and again, and again...

* * *

Hey, ain't we ruttin' bin here a'fore?  
  
Seeing tears in River's eyes, Rick had given her a cuddle. It was rather nice. He stroked soothing circles on her back. 

Somewhere in the building River could feel Zoë's emotions calming to a blank, exhausted acceptance. As Zoë's mind stopped pressing River became more aware of her immediate surroundings, Rick's hand was still circling her back and his mind was clear, direct and laid out before her like a map.

She could feel his breath on the nape of her neck. The thumb of his other hand started to stroke up and down on her waist. There was nothing grabby or frightening about his thoughts, just a gentle, warm, curious buzz.

Rick preferred boys, but he did like girls for a change.

River pulled away, a flush staining her cheeks. She'd only felt dim flickers of interest from boys since Simon had rescued her; she was always hidden or hemmed in by her brother, or the Captain and dressed in tents.

In the Academy there had been some interest, her mind flinched away from that. No one had wanted to touch her so badly they would brave the Alliance's wrath. Nevertheless, the thoughts were there; greasy, sticky thoughts that she could barely understand then because they came to her misshapen by her addled mind.

Then there was Jayne, the first rush as she came out of the box to every time she looked at him after Miranda. It was grossly unfair that the mere sight of him could make her burn and turn inside out when he didn't want her. It might be a crush, it might be more, it still hurt.

Nothing about Rick burned, her insides stayed resolutely where they were, but she _was_ curious.

His eyes were twinkling gently; he looked like he was thinking of kissing her, he _was_ thinking of kissing her.

Maybe she'd let him.

Jayne, a combination of the jitters and temper riding him like the four horsemen of the apocalypse, fought the urge to go in the opposite direction.

He didn't want this, this complicated, confusing, slew of if, buts and maybes. Gorramn Kaylee, screwing with a man's head.

What he wanted was a fight, a big fist flying, blood spattering, eye gouging, dirty fight.

He wanted to get sexed, until his eyes crossed and his legs turned to jelly. With someone anonymous, someone with breasts like melons, thighs like hams, dumb as a bag of rabbits and blonde. Someone who he wouldn't have to see, or think of again.

Then he wanted to get drunk, blind, stinking, throwing up everything you ate for the last week, wake up and forget everything drunk.

For once, he went in the opposite direction of everything he wanted. Jayne had a feeling deep in his innards that if he didn't sort this out there wouldn't be a fight dirty enough, a blonde curvy enough or a drink deep enough to do the trick.

There wasn't much time; her brother was on the way to get her. Jayne could hardly sort anything out with Simon playing Gooseberry and he was in no mood to wait. He had to be moving.

* * *

The door to the shop opened. 

"By all that you hold dear Rick Plummer, if you're fixin' ta start a harem outta my crew I swear I'll drop you where you sit. Get your wū huì bì bǎng of my 'Tross."

Rick scowled at the Captain, "What and give you a clear shot, I don't think so. Plus," he grinned evilly, his Londinium accent strengthening, "She's a right cosy armful." He squeezed to emphasise the point.

"River, get offa him!" Mal barked, "Ain't right fer a fella like that to be feeling on you."

River turned and gaped at him, mouth half open, eyes luminous and tear stains on her cheeks.

That took the last shred of Mal's temper and trampled it into the dust. "You made her cry?" his eyes narrowed and his aim became rather less general and more precise.

"No I bloody didn't!" snapped Rick, offended.

River got cross; Mal was being grossly unfair to Rick, who was not responsible for her crying. In a convoluted way, she was crying because of Mal but explaining that would take all week and more patience than she would ever be possessed of.

"No, he did not make me cry and who I embrace is not your concern!"

There was a nasty light in Mal's eye, his last nerve was shredded, barrelling towards shoot first, ask questions later. First Zoë going AWOL and now this. As far as he could see there was one common denominator, "I'm tellin' you now to get offa him, I ain't havin' you taken advantage of."

"None of your business! I will embrace who I wish, isn't taking advantage of me! Watch!" she grabbed Ricks face in both hands went to kiss him.

* * *

When Jayne pushed the shop door open he was more than irritated to find Mal already there. It was bad enough he'd have the Doctor playing Gooseberry any second. With Mal around he wasn't going to get a moment to talk to the girl and if he didn't get to talk to the girl soon someone was going to get hit, maybe the way things were going it might be Mal. He'd heard the man yelling down the street, seemed he was in a temper to match Jayne's. 

Jayne looked to see what Mal was pointing his gun at. Kaylee had left him one last thread to hold his temper together and it snapped with a twang.

"_Girl- you-get-the-gorramn-hell-away-from-him-right-now!_"

River froze, her lips a bare millimetre from Rick's. Mal's head slewed around. "Glad you could join us Cobb, can't see that the girls gonna listen anymore to you than me though. Oh…"

River _was_ listening to Jayne, after a frozen moment she shoved Rick away so hard the man fell backwards of his stool and disappeared behind the counter.

An, "Ow!" came from somewhere close to floor level.

"Git over here girl!" Jayne bellowed, hands clenching and releasing.

River scrambled off her stool and made it half way across the floor before she stopped, her face flickering through expressions, intent, miserable, and then plain furious.

"No!" She stamped a foot, an angry sob in her voice.

"Neither of you has a need to go anywhere." Barked Mal, he closed his eyes a moment, "Has everyone run plum mad today?" he asked no one in particular.

"Seems that way," said Rick, still invisible, "did I mention, ow!"

"Girl's comin' with me," snarled Jayne, through gritted teeth.

"No! Don't want to." River crossed her arms, a stubborn set to her jaw.

"Yer goin'." Jayne took a step towards her, his face an education in how to look mulish.

"Can't make me." River stamped her foot again.

"Cobb, what in the Sam Hill are you doin'? She stole yer hat or sumthin'?" snapped Mal.

"Ya want the girl gone from here?" Jayne growled out of the side of his mouth.

"Guess so, but …" Mal threw his arms up in the air, "What the hell, I ain't got time fer this, just get her back to her brother dong ma? You can tell me what this is all about later."

Jayne didn't spare him a glance, "Girl, get yer skinny ass over here."

"No!"

Jayne was past arguing, past considering that his actions could get him good and dead, he swooped, River shrieked.

"I want her back on the ship in one piece Cobb! Ya hear me? N' if she kills you don't come cryin' to me." He watched Jayne disappear through the door, it looked like River was giving him a good kicking, "And you're grounded young lady, 'till you're forty." He added as the door swung shut.

"What's going on?" A bleary-eyed Zoë stood in the doorway to the back premises wearing Rick's pyjama top as a nightshirt and clutching a cup of coffee. She looked down, "Hello Rick." She blinked muzzily at him, "Gonna tell me why you're on the floor?"

"Seemed safer down here." There was a moment of silence them the sound of a pump action being shucked. "Mal, I'm getting up but I have a gun and I swear if you make one more aggressive move towards me I'll shoot you. I've had enough for one day savvy?"

"Oh I ain't promisin' nuthin', seems you've been mighty busy with my crew."

Rick popped up from behind the counter like the devil through a trapdoor in a pantomime, clutching his shotgun. "I don't know what you think I've been doing but I haven't touched Zoë in anything other than a brotherly fashion and I didn't do a thing to River that you couldn't have stood and watched."

"Looked gorramn like there was somethin' goin' on."

"I don't take advantage of miserable young girls Mal. I'm not saying it didn't cross my mind, she's very pretty."

"She was fixin' to kiss you!"

Zoë raised her eyebrows at that, her head had been swivelling back and forth between them like a spectator at a tennis match. It wasn't helping her headache. She picked up River's discarded stool and sat on it. Rick was sounding more and more annoyed, Zoë wondered vaguely if the Captain would get shot; it smelt like that kind of day and where was River? She could have sworn she heard her voice, and Jayne's. It had finally got her down the stairs.

"Yes!" Rick spat, "She was going to kiss _me_, not the other way around. The worst thing I did was give her a comforting cuddle."

"Well, it ain't right, is all, I'm… sayin'" Mal sagged and then jerked back upright, "Alright then. I guess I ain't gotta need to shoot you today."

"How magnanimous of you."

Zoë stuck a hand to her head worried it might fall off. "Would someone _please_ tell me what's going on?"

"I was hopin' you would tell me Zoë." Mal looked her up and down and gestured in the general direction of her startling attire.

Zoë shrugged, her face bleak, "I got drunk and couldn't face going back to _Serenity_. Not that it's any of your business _sir_, but I slept in the spare room, all Rick did was pull my boots off." She gave Rick the ghost of a smile, "Man always did fancy Wash more n' me."

"I have dreadful taste." Rick smiled sadly at her and reached out a hand. To Mal's increasing discomfort, Zoë took it and smiled back at him. The sooner he could get her out of here the better.

"Well… okay then. That was all?" He waited for Zoë's tired nod, her face was starting to wear that little twist that told him she was giving some thought to hitting him, the last time he'd seen that was when he tried to order her not to marry Wash. It was time to move on. "Well, good, I need my first mate back; we got a cargo, customers comin' in a little bit. I need you dressed and at your post."

Zoë took a mouthful of coffee; her shoulders went back with an effort, as if she was standing at attention but fighting it. "No sir."

Mal gaped at her, "Whad'ya mean "No sir.""

"I mean no sir; I ain't comin' back to _Serenity_, 'cept to pick up my belongings. I'm getting off here."

That simple statement exploded in the air like a Bouncing Betty. Rick froze, Mal gaped, Zoë looked at him steadily. Mal waited for her to shout "Joke!" But then Zoë didn't joke much.

Breaking the stillness, Rick picked his own stool up and sat on it, examining his fingernails as if he didn't want to look at either of them.

"You can't." That wasn't his voice, Mal was certain that his voice didn't sound like that all strained and damn near desperate.

"Yes, _Mal, _I can." Zoë's voice was firm, but weary.

"You can't."

Zoë gave him a level, blank, look, face smooth as water polished rock.

"Is this down to him?" Mal pointed at Rick, with his gun.

"It's news to me," Rick shrugged, still looking at his nails.

"Ain't stayin' where every gorramn thing hurts to look at, it ain't livin'." In all the long years they had been together that was the most Zoë had ever said about her feelings. There was a hard, bone numbing winter in those words. Mal had never felt so cold.

So cold, he couldn't bear it.

* * *

Outside Jayne came to a halt and looked around, there was an alleyway at the side of the shop and he carried the kicking River into the shadows. A few people in the crowd looked at them, but no one was inclined to take on the huge and furious man. 

There was a dumpster that looked reasonably clean, Jayne dropped River on it. A little fist clipped him on the jaw, moving fast he caught both her wrists.

"Pack that in! I'm in the mood ta spank ya as it is."

"Like to see you try!"

Jayne glared at her through narrowed eyes, "Seems I'm doin' ok so far."

"Because I let you. Could kill you ten different ways right now."

Jayne let go of her wrists and placed his palms flat on the dumpster lid. He leaned in until his nose was practically to her nose and growled, "Give it ya best shot Girl."

River tensed, and then sagged. "Don't want to." She peeked up at him, "but I still could, many more different ways now my hands are free."

"Don't give a cuss. Trudie n' Kaylee right? Ya crushin' on me?"

His bluntness squashed River small, "Don't know."

"Whatcha mean ya don't know?"

River sat up and glared at him, "Means I don't know! An adolescent crush is a perfectly logical explanation for my feelings but it doesn't go away, it just gets worse! It makes no sense that I would want you, I just do!"

"Well I don't want ya, so it ain't happenin'. Ya just get over it, an' do it quick."

"But, you…" River's face fell, she crossed her arms and glared at him, eyes all shiny, "Don't know if I can, this 'crush' is very persistent."

"You're gonna have ta cos there ain't a woman worth dyin' over n' if yer brother or Mal see ya shed so much as a tear over me, hell, once I'd finished off yer brother Mal 'ud shoot me. I got ma life just the way I like it, good and simple. So make yerself miserable ifen ya want. It ain't gonna get ya anywhere."

River stared at him; he could feel her walk straight into his head and make herself at home and it was terrifying because he could not fight it.

"It's a mess in there," she said, her voice cool, floaty and somewhat eerie. "It was so neat once but it isn't now. Kaylee was right; you are a "fraidy cat". Could understand it better if it was Simon or Mal, scalpels or airlocks but it's me and yourself."

River's voice became a lilting singsong, her legs began to swing, "Afraid that I will be more than a warm body in the Black and an exchange of fluids. There are no concrete answers, never are. I might grow out of it, you might get tired of me, don't see why we shouldn't have something we burn for while we find out and," she looked up at him, "I burn." Her tiny hand laid itself, light as a whisper, over his heart and started to tap to its beat, faster and faster.

Jayne's fury scorched through his body and he snatched her hand away. "Get outta my head girl," he hissed, grabbing her shoulders, "yer wrong anyways. Maybe burnin' fer me but I ain't given ya a thought in that way."

"Liar," River's chin went up, 'if the girl had a couple of fellas under her belt and wasn't so young.' It's etched on the rock in your head. Stopped me kissing Rick, why would you care? Heart speaks the truth." Her hand reached for his chest again.

Jayne swatted her hand away; he grabbed her shoulders again, shaking her a little. "Woman, I tol' ya ta stop." He said, his voice thick.

River kissed him.

She took him completely by surprise. Whatever River was there was nothing delicate or innocent about her kiss, or her hands, fluttering over him like butterflies, one going straight to where it would get the most attention. It shocked him completely, Jayne Cobb had been around the block a hundred times, the press of lips and the flutter of hands shouldn't make his whole world compress to one overwhelming _want_, but it did.

When she pushed him away he growled, the blood was booming in his ears and he understood what she meant now because he burned, his objections laying in ashes at his feet. His head generally the loser when it came to ruling his body retired sulking. He always thought better with his bones, skin and muscles anyway. Now bones, skin and muscles just wanted to be closer, to take what was before him and make it his.

The future was nothing. Didn't matter what she wanted, or dreamed of because he wanted the now and stepped back to her, lips willing if it got him _more_.

River put her hands up to hold him off; it held him back, just. He'd never had trouble stopping before, didn't like it, but he could do it with a shrug and a cuss and move on to the next woman. At this moment seventeen years of his mother's rule was holding him but it was a precarious thing.

"Now _we_ burn." River touched her mouth gently, in wonder.

"Girl." He growled, tracking her fingers as they ghosted across her lips, hands in fists at his sides, there was too much right in front of him for the taking. He saw her start and her eyes widen.

"J-Jayne," the uncertainty in her voice cooled him a little. His mind caught up with current events and made him see the nervousness in her eyes.

"Gorramn it girl. Ain't gonna hurt ya." That's what she was, just a girl, he made himself focus on that and took a deep shuddering breath, stepping back, getting some air between them. "Guess you win, but you'd better make sure I don't get dead over this."

"They won't hurt you; I will make sure of it. Jayne is mine?" She asked, hopeful, but a little wary.

She found herself on the receiving end of a scorching glance, "You got me wantin' ya, ain't ya? Ain't ya happy now?"

River couldn't understand why his words flooded her body with cold. Desperate for answers she probed at the mind in front of her. Under the calming, but still sharp and hot _want,_ there was a flat pool of thoughts, swirling gently. Jayne didn't try to hide them and she dipped a toe in the water.

"Ma 'ud say it's 'bout time I settled. Damn she's a hot little thing, warm body in my bunk, gonna live longer with her at my back, long as she don't stab me. No more trim, gonna have to wait a bit. Don't wanna wait. Hope she's worth it, seems she might be. Everything tight n' firm, damn she makes me burn, ain't burned like that since Becky Lishops stuck her hands on me behind Jarrett's barn. Still kinda screwy but she was ok when she sat with me when I was doing stuff n' just listened. Reckon she's gonna be a wildcat in the sack n' the rest I can put up with. I'm getting' between them thighs. Don't mean I gotta go soft, don't mean she gotta mean nothin' even if she says different."

Nausea gripped River; she slid bonelessly from the dumpster and staggered away, towards the mouth of the alley.

"Girl! Where ya goin?"

"Don't want this."

"What!" Three long strides brought Jayne to her side, a huge hand gripping her arm, "Whaddya mean ya "don't want this?""

River's hands fluttered, "This," her eyes flickered across his face and jerked away, "What you offer is empty, still fighting, always fighting."

His fingers tightened, "Whaddya mean empty?"

"You don't want me."

"Din't ya hear me just now, I want ya just fine. Gorramn it girl I'm willin' ta risk airlocks n' scalpels, n _fussin'_ ta have ya."

"Don't want _me!_ Want my skin and orifices, willing to pay the price like coin on the dresser when you are done."

"Huh?" Jayne pulled _that_ face at her, the impatient, "why have I got to deal with this feng li girl" face. It had always hurt her, now it was worse, it cut and stabbed.

"Don't want me, would just go along with being with me so that you could have a warm body in your bunk. Just like Saffron except I won't cost you Vera." She looked up at him, eyes luminous, "What would your mother say?"

It was a low blow, but it gave Jayne pause. Not an hour ago, he'd been thinking River was too good for the likes of him. One hard on later and he'd stopped caring about that, the girl had slid half way into the category of trim, just trim he was going to have to pay for with a bit more effort then coin. Jayne's Ma stepped up into his minds eye and gave him the "look", the disappointed but not surprised look. He let go of River's arm, the last of his desire shrivelling and dissipating like dust in the wind. "Aw gos se!" He looked down and saw her clear, just a girl.

"I was right weren't I," his voice was bitter, "shouldn't have let ya get near me. Reckon ya played with matches n' damn near got yerself burnt."

River winced at his sourness, "I am sorry, couldn't help wanting. Didn't want you to know, it all got complicated with presents and Trudie and Kaylee."

Jayne grunted, "Don't matter none," his forced tone gave the lie to that, but his mother was ruling his head and his actions once more. Gorramn he wanted a fight. "No harm done. Less'" he gave her a narrow look, "Am I gonna have ta leave over this? Not that I care none, but, I just wanna know."

It was ridiculous that she could be so miserable and yet he could make her want to laugh. Trying to hide his desire to stay in his home.

"No, like the cargo bay, best forgotten and not spoken of. Might need to talk to Kaylee and Inara, they have been watching but they won't give us away."

"Shiny," he pulled a thoughtful face, "Well that's that then." He looked down at her a second with his jaw clenched and then his face smoothed out, she felt him flood with something like relief and it hurt most of all.

"Best we get ya back ta the ship n' yer brother." He stated, as if they'd just been on a shopping trip.

River was grateful to him in that moment, for being Jayne and not wanted to dissect and analyse and agonise.

"Mother hen, fuss, fuss, fuss." She coughed away the choke in her voice and forced a smile, "He won't be there, got lost looking for me."

Jayne sniggered, on principle, but it was an uncomfortable sound. River playing the game to the rules she had been given slapped him, lightly on the arm, "Hey!" he pulled a grumpy face at her.

River looked at him a moment. The feelings were still there, rather trampled and tatty looking but there all the same. She didn't know what that meant for the future, but things were about to change substantially on _Serenity_ and the ship would need them both.

"Yes, lets go home."

* * *


	12. Half time show

**Fandom:** Firefly  
**Series title:** Roses  
**Part title:** Half Time Show  
**Character/Pairing:** River/Jayne, Pre-Rayne (Rayne intended but not guaranteed)  
**Rating:** PG if that  
**Word count:** 3102  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own nuthin', ain't got nuthin', suin' pointless  
**Warnings:** None as such but please see notes.

**Author's notes:** This fic has been on hiatus due to real life and I needed to figure out where the heck it was going. I intend this to end up Rayne and I have a plot arc in mind but I cannot guarantee it. This will go where it wants to go. As a result, I will not post any further parts on Rayne Shippers until I know one way or the other. This episode and more than likely the next one will be low on Rayney interaction and heavy on sorting out the fall out of Zoë leaving.

That said big hugs for those who are still with me and in particular, for Ceslas who is not only the magic beta lady but a source of great encouragement.

* * *

"Yes Kaylee?"

"River n' Jayne's back but she's not makin' any sense, seems she's a mite upset n' Jayne just grunted sumthin' an' went to his bunk. There ain't a sign of the Captain, or Zoë," Kaylee's voice rose, becoming a little panicky, "or _Simon._"

Inara tapped a finger to her lips a moment.

"I will speak to River; no doubt she knows where everyone is. Just check the Cortex and make sure no one has got themselves arrested or in the hospital." She frowned, "I wonder what has upset River?" she said, more to herself, though she had a nasty suspicion.

"'Nara," Kaylee's voice was small. "Reckon I might know sumthin' about that."

"River?" Inara looked at the girl, cross-legged in the pilot's chair, her eyes shut, her breath slow and even, controlled, deep in a relaxation technique that Inara had taught her. Inara took a seat in the co-pilot's chair and waited patiently.

Eventually River's eyes fluttered open.

"Trudie gave him directions, Kaylee pointed the way, still got lost, took the short cut, the journey was vital to the destination, missed something important."

"You are talking about Jayne." Responded Inara calmly, River seemed serene, but her phrasing made her distress evident.

River gave her a distant look, "Yes, cannot be blamed, just was true to himself as he is as I was to myself as I am."

Inara's eyes flickered up and down River's body, "But no harm done?"

River's mouth quirked up at the corner, understanding that Inara wanted confirmation of what her eyes could see. "Only minor inappropriate sexual conduct, Jayne has sought privacy to relieve his feelings but finds himself too uncomfortable. Have been in his head too much today, finding it hard to break contact." Her mouth quirked again, "It's such a mess in there, wish I could help him tidy up."

"But you are okay and Jayne isn't angry?"

River snorted, glumly "Jayne is angry, can't let it out, Ma won't let him, makes him confused and uncomfortable. I made a messy colourful Jayne, I wish the neat, monochrome would come back, wish he could be sure again."

"Yes, but are _you_ okay?" Inara asked, pointedly, a shade of her impatience flickering across River's mind. She didn't really care about Jayne. River tried not to resent her for it.

"No, _not_ okay, but functional and accepting of what is."

Inara continued to look at her for a few seconds, seemingly satisfied with what she saw she finally looked away. "Do you know where Zoë, Mal and Simon are?"

River trembled slightly, hauling in a deep breath to calm the flutter of misery that threatened to expand and overwhelm her.

"Simon is nearly home, only his pride hurt. Should try looking after himself instead of worrying about me." Inara's lips twitched at that.

River gulped, it was hard to give voice to, baldly put, what she had to say seemed to be of minor significance; a cause for sorrow but not misery. "Zoë is leaving."

Inara stared at her a moment, blank incomprehension widening her eyes until River's words went home. However, River was certain that Inara might be the only other person who might have and inkling of what this might mean to Mal. "River," she swallowed, "where is he?"

"Drowning sensation in a bottle."

* * *

Mal had found a bar, didn't know where it was and what it was called but he had a bottle of something cheap and raw in front of him.

He was completely blank, in his mind at least, numb. His body hurt though, a whole bunch of old scars and strains he'd put on his body over his lifetime had all woken up together. The belly wound from the scavenger's gun, the stab wound from the operative. Even his ear had started to ache. Every last injury made itself known to him.

The blank mind he could deal with, the blank mind was a blessing and he knew it because there were many things he could guess at under the blankness he didn't want to deal with.

But his whole damn body hurt and he was putting it to sleep the only way he could figure how.

The first glass made him retch, the second gag, the third wince, after that he didn't notice any more.

* * *

Simon got home barely twenty minutes after Inara's conversation with River. Kaylee checked every last inch of him thoroughly and kissed him until he was dizzy. Mid way through all this River strode gracefully through the cargo bay and rolled her eyes at him on the way.

Simon watched her ruefully over his bao bei's shoulder, River made it about four steps up the stairs when Jayne appeared from nowhere and started barrelling down. Simon saw his sister retreat rapidly and step clear. There was something about the way she stood, something that said that she wanted to be small and unnoticed.

Jayne saw her, he couldn't help but see her and there was a flicker in his eyes that Simon couldn't understand but somehow felt he should.

It worried him sick, though he didn't know why.

* * *

Inara met with the customer, her cover story "The Captain had to meet with the port authority, he sends you his apologies. No, nothing that will interfere with the delivery of your goods, just the renewal of some paperwork, merely a formality." Was accepted without question.

But then Mr Weaver was a little dazzled by Inara and intimidated by Jayne glowering over her shoulder.

When the customer had gone, Jayne started stowing the cargo without being asked.

"Jayne?" He spared a glance for Inara and Inara was shocked by the blankness there. She'd never credited him with much brain but his eyes were always so alive. He looked like an animal licking a wound in a corner. It threw her off balance, made her want to leave him alone, but she needed him, _Serenity_ needed him. "Jayne, when the cargo is stowed can you go look for the Captain. River," she saw his face flinch at the name, a tiny tic that very few people would have noticed, "River tells me we have only a few hours before we lose the most fuel efficient and fastest course. We will eat all our profit in fuel if we miss it." She looked at him doubtfully; of all the people on the ship, she had the least understanding of his talents. "Can you track him?"

Jayne gave her a look, "Doubt he's left footprints or pissed up trees ta mark his route, but yeah, reckon I can find him. Just gotta find the fight ain't I."

That did not make her feel any better.

Jayne didn't find a fight and that surprised him. When asking around didn't find the Captain he did a tour of the bars close to Rick's shop and found Mal out cold under a table in the sixth.

He was thankful that he'd thought to bring the mule. The man was a dead weight.

* * *

Jayne missed Zoë's arrival and departure, packing her life into boxes. She gave Wash's flight jacket to River. "Reckon I don't hafta tell you I don't blame you."

River held the jacket to her like it was a benediction. "I know, no blame, just anger. Not at me, not at the Captain but Wash stands between you and us and you can't see us clearly." River's hands clenched at the cloth, "Wish the Captain was here, wish…"

"Probably best he ain't." Zoë interrupted, "Man'll need time fer this. Don't let him push everyone away."

River just nodded.

Zoë took everything else, except the dinosaurs.

* * *

Simon decided against pumping the Captain's stomach. "He hasn't quite killed himself."

Inara put him to bed, but it was River who climbed down into Mal's bunk with a bucket, painkillers and water.

"River?" There was a frightened question in Inara's eyes.

"He doesn't love her, not in the way you mean. They stood together for so long. There are dark places he has been that would have swallowed him if it wasn't for Zoë always dragging him back to the light. She gave him balance, when he looked inward and back she always looked outward and forward, that's why she found Wash, why she was able to find Wash." River looked at Inara, her eyes serious and worried. "He will be thrashing around looking for an anchor. Trust your instincts. You've fought for so long for a reason."

Inara suddenly looked exhausted and older, "I don't think I can stand any more."

River grimaced, "Like a lot of things, it has to get worse before it can get better."

* * *

Mal dragged himself out of his bunk 36 hours later along with a mood so chilly it froze everyone like liquid nitrogen and made them all brittle.

River sat back and waited for the right moment to tap and make him shatter; despite the hideous embarrassment and despair of her encounter with Jayne she felt bizarrely invincible. Perhaps because she had plans for herself, a path in front of her of her own choosing. She judged that of everyone on _Serenity _she was the strongest, whatever Mal's fury threw at her would bounce straight off her armour.

Kaylee was everywhere the Captain wasn't and when she had to be in the same space with him she was rigid and monosyllabic; his frost simply battered and swamped her sunshine.

Simon got between his Captain and his Kaylee with almost suicidal regularity. Somehow looking down his nose at the taller man, the Captain's snarls bounced straight off him but Kaylee's tears were his vulnerability.

Jayne probably fared the best of them all, in other circumstances the Captain might have noticed the man was only out of his bunk when there was something to do but his own demons were far to loud for him to consider another man's problems. Jayne's demon's weren't nightmares and they didn't tear him or those around him apart. They were the image of his mother behind his eyes when he had nothing else to think about, a persistent niggling feeling that he'd done something plain dumb and wrong.

They limped along like this for close on a month and through two deliveries for the Weavers and one for one of their friends and if the cargo got there on time and in one piece it had very little to do with the Captain and everything to do with his crew.

Inara charmed and liaised with the customers. River worked out trajectories and course's as if she was born to it. Kaylee welded, tweaked, and coaxed the engine beyond the point where it should have fallen in a heap in her feet. Jayne lifted and stowed the cargo in the best places, saw to the other grunt work without being asked and looked intimidating when the need was there which wasn't often because these were milk runs.

He even cleaned out the Septic Vac, without being asked.

Finally, twenty-nine days later at what was two am from _Serenity's _perspective, Mal got out of bed because he'd had a nightmare. He'd been asleep for just under two hours when his brain produced a dream, in which even the survivors of Serenity Valley looked at him with empty bloody eye sockets while he ran through them slipping and sliding in their spilled intestines; searching for something he couldn't name.

He started to boil water for coffee, then spun away from the stove and went deliberately to the seating area at the back, popping a small plate from the floor his hand closing around the neck of some of Kaylee's engine hooch.

Four glasses later his body was well on the way to being comfortably numb, perversely the inside of his head was making all sorts of noise. Memories, anger, confusion all clashing and bashing together like wind chimes in a hurricane.

He didn't see Inara coming until she was there, frozen, tea cup in her hand, hair a little ruffled which was a first, face naked wearing only it's own colours. His eyes dragged down, her nightgown was not some fantasy thing of lace and silk. It was simple linen, wide necked, showing the curves of her shoulders, gathered under her breast with a simple knot of ribbon.

She looked real.

He untangled his tongue and waved the hooch bottle at her. "Wanna drink 'Nara?"

She showed him his teacup, "Just tea Mal."

"Huh," Mal stared stupidly at the teacup, "Why aintcha brewin' tea in yer shuttle?"

"I've run out of Indian tea."

"Oh, okay." He watched her as she busied herself around the stove, when she reached up on tiptoes to the high shelf for the tea canister her simple nightgown tightened over her hips and her rear.

Mal got on his feet without consulting his brain and reached up for the tea from behind her, his intention to be helpful covering his instinct to get close. His body covered her back, sliding against her as he reached up. His other hand wavered, then landed on the counter to steady him rather than around her waist where he'd wanted it to be, so that it wasn't quite an embrace, so he could pretend that he hadn't done it to get close to her, to have contact.

He heard the breath hiss through her teeth. "M-Mal?" She didn't sound cross, just confused. Her face turned to him a little and she looked at him from under her lashes.

He put the tea canister on the counter in front of her, now was the time to move back, to make a sarcastic comment, to make her angry and push her away, but he didn't.

"'Nara." he said simply, his voice husky. Slowly, painfully his arms slid around her waist. When she didn't push away, he buried his face in her neck, filling his nose with the fresh scent of her hair and her skin. He shivered and he felt her shiver too.

"Why Mal, why now?" It was the softest whisper.

"Need ya 'Nara, a man gets stuck in the dark, reckon he craves the light."

He felt her stiffen a little and reflexively tightened his hold.

"Why now Mal, why is it so dark that you need me now?"

"Just do is all."

Inara pulled herself away, gently un-wrapping his arms from her waist. Not intending to make it a rejection, but the Captain was in a very dark place and though he wasn't drunk, he was definitely impaired.

"Huh," he pushed himself away from the counter sharply, stumbling a little. "What did ya stay fer 'Nara? Can't believe the whoring opportunities are really better on _Serenity_ or do ya just like ta have a man around as can't have ya and hurts for it." He said, his voice bitter and hurtful.

He remembered then, one of the reasons he loved to make her mad, her breathing got fast and hard while she tried to keep a hold of herself. He didn't get time to appreciate the sight fully; Inara poked him hard in the chest.

"Why am I here Mal?"

"Huh?" If she wanted a philosophical debate Mal wasn't up to it.

"What's my purpose?"

"Huh?" Mal still wasn't getting it.

"If we do this what will I do? What will my job be?"

Mal's brain staggered and fell down, "Ain'tcha got a job?"

"Are you saying that I can be your lover and a companion?"

"Well," his mind struggled to its feet and bumped around in his head thinking about that, his face went dark, "ain't sharing ya."

"Exactly. So what would I do?"

Mal gaped at her blankly, "do?"

"Do you just expect me to sit in my shuttle until you have finished your crime and are ready for me?"

"Well," Mal's alcohol fuzzed brain cells crashed together, scrabbling for ideas. "Could use a cook I guess." For a second he thought she was going to hit him. She turned on her heel and stalked out of the galley.

"'Nara, dontcha want yer tea?" Her tea cup shattered on the cabinet, quite close to his head. "Guess not then." He fell into a chair and clutched his head, "Maybe this is just another nightmare," he muttered.

* * *

Inara stormed around her shuttle, River watched her from the pilot's chair, surrounded by portable pads on which downloads from the Cortex scrolled and flashed, scrubbed through a filter of her design, executed in tandem with Kaylee to reduce the likelihood of triggering signals reaching her.

Inara had been swearing inventively in Chinese for some time, interspersed with blistering critiques of the Captain's intelligence, morality and personal hygiene. If she hadn't cared so much for Inara, River would have found it funny.

"It's time," River got up from her chair and undid the clasp of a strange looking choker she was wearing around her neck.

Inara plumped down onto the bed, "River I don't know. I don't think he…"

River placed a finger to her lips, "Shush, I will deal with it."

River danced from the shuttle, she felt light and alive and _saner _than she'd been since the Academy. Her brain did the rumba with probability and the waltz with complex equations. When her head was full of numbers, it somehow wasn't full of people, which was wonderful.

She made her way to the Captain's bunk and rat a tat tatted on his hatch to the rhythm in her head. It slammed open to reveal a scowling Mal.

"Don't pull faces Captain, if a stream of charged particles were ejected from the upper atmosphere of a star's surface and then changed direction it might stick."

"Huh?" said Mal.

"The original saying seemed inappropriate on a space going vessel." River smiled sunnily.

"What do you want River?" asked Mal, the last thread of his patience twanging like a bow string.

"It would be more appropriate to ask what do _I_ want, as in you, since you are the crux of the matter."

Mal squeezed his eyes shut, "My head hurts n' I'm tired little witch."

"Then let me in and I will explain quickly."

"That a promise?"

"Yes."

Mal stepped back and waved an inviting hand at the interior of his bunk, "Get yerself in then."

River slid down the ladder gracefully and after a short tug of war with Mal who seemed to prefer the idea of his bunk remaining open shut the hatch firmly behind her.

* * *


End file.
